May 19, 2026

Protecting Your Kids While You Build the Business — Part 2: Keeping the Promise

Protecting Your Kids While You Build the Business — Part 2: Keeping the Promise

Protecting Your Kids While You Build the Business — Part 2: Keeping the Promise EPISODE DESCRIPTION Two scenes open this episode. A single mother at her kitchen table at 9:47 at night, laptop still open, kids asleep upstairs, missing bedtime for the third time this week and telling herself she had no choice — and missing the part of the truth that matters. A married father walking through the front door at 7:30 with the phone in his hand, kids glancing up at him briefly before going back to homework, and nobody in the house expecting him to stop. The family has already adapted to a version of him that does not stop. That is the part that should bother him most. Two different scenes. Same problem. Different shapes. Part 2 of the Optimized Entrepreneur series on protecting your kids while you build the business is the execution episode — the systems, the transitions, the practical moves you can install starting tonight. Jeremy Hanson opens with what he calls the deliberate close — the three-minute ritual that gets entrepreneurs out of work mode and into family mode without dragging the business into the room with you. He explains why the brain does not flip into family mode just because the physical location changed, and how externalizing the open loops onto paper gives the brain the reliability it needs to actually let go. From there he goes deep on single parent execution. Two anchor windows that are non-negotiable. The visible calendar that creates accountability through public commitment. The handoff ally network you build before you need it — not for everyday backup, for the rare emergency that would otherwise become a missed window with no covering adult. The repair conversation that follows a missed night, and why direct acknowledgment beats invisible guilt every time. And the often-overlooked discipline of building a small life outside of work and parenting, because depleted single parents become inconsistent ones. Then he turns to married parent execution and the team coordination that almost no entrepreneurial marriage actually has. The Sunday weekly sync that gives the household a regular forum to discuss its operational reality. The named division of labor that makes invisible carrying labor visible. The coverage commitment that turns parallel parenting into team parenting. And the fourth move — protecting the marriage itself with the same intention you protect the kids, because if the marriage hollows out the kids feel the temperature in the house and the protected windows lose their meaning. He gives a concrete example of a couple who actually run this operating system every week. Then come the hard scenarios. The genuine busy season and how to scale protections rather than abandon them, with explicit communication that names the bounded duration. The actual crisis and how the system bends without breaking — and why the failure mode is not the temporary absence but the failure to come back fully when the crisis passes. The scaling phase, which catches the most successful entrepreneurs, and why the opportunity-cost math feels backwards in the moment but the protected hour is the hour your kid keeps. And the hardest one — the kid who has stopped trying, the moment a kid does the math on whether bringing things to you is worth being half-heard, and how that calibration only reverses when the parent who caused it notices and starts again. The episode closes with the long view — what kids carry forward as adults from being raised by an entrepreneurial parent who held the line. Visit optimized1.com for the rest of the playbook. CREDITS Hosted by Jeremy Hanson. Produced by Fuzzy Life Studios. Distributed by Fuzzy Life Entertainment. Original music and sound design by Fuzzy Life Studios. For the rest of the playbook visit optimized1.com. Subscribe to the Built Different newsletter for both Optimized Entrepreneur and The Jeremy Hanson Podcast. EPISODE METADATA Show: Optimized Entrepreneur Episode Title: Protecting Your Kids While You Build the Business — Part 2: Keeping the Promise Series: Protecting Your Kids While You Build the Business Series Position: Part 2 of 2 Host: Jeremy Hanson Producer: Fuzzy Life Studios Distributor: Fuzzy Life Entertainment Sister Show: The Jeremy Hanson Podcast (jeremyhanson.pro) Joint Newsletter: Built Different Format: Solo narration Episode Type: Execution Spoken Word Count: 5,307 Estimated Runtime: 48–50 minutes Sponsors: None Website: www.optimized1.com Q: What is the deliberate close and why does it work? Answer: It is a three-minute ritual where the entrepreneur writes down every open loop currently active in the business — the unresolved customer issue, the decision needed tomorrow, the follow-up scheduled for Wednesday — onto paper in a single trusted location. It works because the brain does not let go of important things until it knows they are captured somewhere reliable, and externalizing the loops gives the brain that reliability so the family layer can come back online when you sit down at the table. Q: What are the two anchor windows for single parents? Answer: Dinner and the thirty minutes before bed. They are non-negotiable, daily, and protected even on the days when nothing else worked. The point of dinner is not the meal — it is the table, with no devices and conversation that can go where it needs to. The point of bedtime is the conversation that happens when the kid's guard is finally down. Q: Why does the visible calendar matter for single parents? Answer: It gives the kid a tangible sense of when they have you, which reduces the underlying anxiety of not knowing whether this is a parent-around day. And it creates public accountability for the entrepreneur — when the calendar is on the wall and the kid can see it, you do not move that block for a customer call without the kid registering that you moved it. Q: How do you build a handoff ally network? Answer: You have the conversation now, not in the moment of crisis. You ask grandparents, siblings, friends, or trusted neighbors directly — would you be available to step in for an evening when something blows up at work. People want to help. They are usually waiting to be asked. The single parent who never asks is also the single parent who has no covered emergencies. Q: What is the weekly sync for married parents? Answer: A logistical, calendared, fifteen-minute conversation that happens at the same time every week and is specifically about the operational layer of the family — who has the kids when, what is on the calendar, where the business will push, where they need to adjust. It closes the gap between each parent's slightly different mental model of the family before that gap becomes resentment. Q: What is the named division of labor and what does it accomplish? Answer: It is the explicit, on-paper agreement of who handles mornings, bedtime, school stuff, doctor stuff, lead and backup roles. Two things happen when it is named — the spouse who has been carrying invisible labor finally has it visible, and the entrepreneur who has been benefiting from it without realizing sees what their spouse has been doing. That awareness usually shifts behavior more than guilt-based conversations ever could. Q: How do you handle a genuine busy season? Answer: You name the season out loud — bounded, with a finish line. A six-week season that is named feels different to a kid than the same six weeks of unexplained absence. Then you scale the protections rather than abandon them. Maybe you cannot do every dinner — you protect three dinners and they are non-negotiable. The reduced version of the protections is still the protections. The fatal move is going to zero protections during busy seasons, because that teaches kids the protections are conditional. Q: What is the failure mode in a real business crisis? Answer: Not the temporary absence. The failure to acknowledge the absence, and the failure to come back fully when the crisis passes. The kid who watched a parent disappear into a crisis and never come back has experienced a kind of loss that is harder to repair than any single missed dinner. Q: Why is the scaling phase the trap for successful entrepreneurs? Answer: Because the opportunity-cost math feels backwards in the moment — every protected hour feels like growth left on the table — but the protected hour is the hour your kid keeps and the marriage keeps. The entrepreneurs who hold the line through scaling are the ones who arrive at the other side of success with their family intact. The ones who do not arrive there alone. Q: What is the kid-who-has-stopped-trying signal and how do you reverse it? Answer: A kid stops bringing things to you, stops telling you about their day, stops asking you to come to events. The parent often mistakes this for maturity. It is not. It is a calibration based on whether being half-heard is worth the disappointment. You reverse it by going to the kid directly — not in a guilt-loaded way that makes the kid comfort the parent, just directly — acknowledging what has happened and starting to show, over time, that you are the kind of parent they can bring things to. Q: What is the long game from this two-part series? Answer: The kid you are raising right now becomes an adult, and that adult carries forward a felt orientation toward themselves and toward relationships. The kid who experienced consistent, present parenting carries a baseline that their experience matters. The kid who watched an entrepreneurial parent build something significant while still showing up for them carries a model of what an integrated life looks like — that ambition and presence are not opposites, that choosing the people you love is the only way the work actually means anything. jeremyhanson.pro www.optimized1.com See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

A Fuzzy Life Entertainent Production

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Optimized Entrepreneur, protecting your kids while you build the business,

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Part two, Keeping the Promise. Two scenes. Scene one a

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single mother kitchen table nine forty seven at night, and

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the laptop is still open. The kids are asleep upstairs,

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and she's doing what she has to do, what the

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business required, and she missed bedtime again tonight, the third

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time this week. She tells herself, well, I had no choice.

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She is telling herself the truth. She is also missing

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the part of the truth that matters than seeing two.

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A married father walks through the front door at seven

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point thirty, phone in his hand, and his wife is

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finishing dinner. The kids are doing homework at the counter

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and they look up briefly when he walks in. They

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register them, then they go back to homework. Nobody expects

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him to stop. That is the part that should bother

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him the most, because the family has already adapted to

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a version of him that does not stop. Two different scenes,

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same problem, different shapes. This episode is about how to

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actually fix it with systems, with execution, with specific practical

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moves that you can install starting tonight. I'm Jeremy Hanson.

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This is optimized Entrepreneur, where life and business Intersect. This

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is part two of our series on protecting your kids

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while you build the business. In part one, we laid

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the foundation, the deal that you made with yourself, the

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single parent reality, the married parent reality, the math of

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attention not ours, and the three foundational protections. Now, if

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you have not heard part one, pause this one and

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go back listen to it first. The episode assumes that

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the ground was laid in part one. Today is execution.

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Today is the transition rituals. The system for single parents

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managing its solo, the team coordination for married parents who

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want to actually function as a unit. The hard scenarios,

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the busy season, the crisis months, the seasons that test

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every protection that you have already put in place. Bring

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a notebook. This one earns it in its runtime. For

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tools for frameworks and for the rest of the playbook,

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visit optimized one dot com. That's optimized one dot com.

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If you're dealing with the intersection of life and business.

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If it's only business, go to Jeremy Hanson dot pro.

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That's Jeremy Hanson dot pro. Well tell you I'm demise

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out the rid of my days. They gotta sign up

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for free.

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Optiviz one dot com. I'll demind yourself, your business, and

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your life. I'm Demiswa dot com.

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Now the transition ritual. I want to start with what

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I think is probably the hardest part of this entire

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framework that we're going to Not the windows, not the calendar,

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not the conversations, but the transition, the moment between business

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mode and family mode, the actual shift from one version

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of yourself to the other. This is where most people,

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most entrepreneurs fail, and it's not because they don't care.

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Because the business does not have a clean ending. It

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doesn't There is always something unresolved, always somewhere, there's an

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open loop, always a customer message that came in three

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minutes ago that probably does not require an immediate response.

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The mind that has been running the business all day

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does not flip into family mode just because the physical

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location change. It truly needs help. Now Here is a

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technique that works for me and for a lot of

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other entrepreneurs, and I've shared it with a lot of them,

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So I call it the deliberate clothes. Three minutes before

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you walk through the door at home, or before you

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sit down at the dinner table if you work from home,

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three minutes spent writing down every open loop currently active

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in the business. Who knows what it could be. You know,

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the unresolved customer situation, the decision that needs to be

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made before tomorrow morning, the follow up that needs to

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happen Wednesday, the thing that you almost forgot until just now.

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But you write it down on paper in a notebook,

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in a single trusted location. Don't do it in your phone,

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because the phone is a trap you are trying to

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escape from. What you do is you externalize the open loops.

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You give your brain explicit written permission to file and

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pick them up later because they are now somewhere safer

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than your working memories. How that works? Now, this sounds

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really simple. It is the difference between showing up to

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the dinner table mentally available, or showing up to the

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dinner with a thousand background processes still running in your brain. Now,

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the brain is not betraying you when it cannot let

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go of the business in that moment. Literally, it's still

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on there. The brain is doing exactly what brains do.

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It does not let go of something important until it

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knows the thing is captured somewhere reliably. The deliberate clothes

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gives the brain that reliability. And what happens almost immediately,

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at least the first time you do it correctly, is

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the family layer comes back online. Poof writing, your brain,

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you can actually hear what your kid is actually saying.

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You can register the look on your house's face. You

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can you know, understand what's happening around you. You can

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actually enjoy and taste of food the world that was

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previously a low resolution backdrop to your business processing, and

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your brain sharpens into an actual experience. And the truth

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is that's what you came home for. Now. For single parents, specifically,

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because you are doing the transition without anyone else in

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the room to market for you, the deliberate clothes is

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even more important. The married parent gets a partner who

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even subtly marks the boundary, a spouse who asked how

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the day was, or a handoff, a presence in the

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room that says you are home now. The single parent

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does not get that handoff. You walk in the door

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and you're immediately on cooking or helping with homework or

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managing whatever the kid did or did not do that day.

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Without the deliberate clothes, the brain will run the business

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in the background through all of it. The kid will

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get the version of you that is half doing the

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math homework while half thinking about customer emails. Three minutes

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before you walk in the door, write the full list down,

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then the brain hand it off and that's the move.

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I know that some people are saying that's really cheesy.

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I don't care if it's cheesy, because it actually works.

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Then one more thing about the transition. For entrepreneurs who

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work from home, and a lot of you that listen

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to this show, you do, the transition is harder, not easier.

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I know that sounds weird, but there is no commute.

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There's no physical line between work mode and family mode,

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and you need to build one. Some entrepreneurs I know,

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walk around the block or literal physical movement that marks

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the end of the work day in the beginning of

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family time, five minutes outside the phone, the body marking

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what the brain needs to follow. Other entrepreneurs they literally

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change clothes. They say, Okay, work clothes come off, home

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clothes go on. The change is important for your brain.

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It's symbolic and it actually works. Some entrepreneurs sit in

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the car for three minutes after pulling into the driveway,

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doing the deliberate clothes before they walk in. Pick whatever

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form works for you. The point is the same. You

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need a deliberate, repeatable, unmistakable signal to yourself into your brain. Okay,

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it has to have that feeling that the work is

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set down in the family is what is in front

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of you. Now, without that signal, the work follows you in.

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So let's get back to execution. Let's spend some serious

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time on this, and I think we have to because

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the systems that work for you are just simply different.

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Let's go over this again. You do not have a

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partner to hand off with. You do not have a

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backup who covers the windows that you can't cover. You

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do not have a second adult in the house who

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absorbs the gap when work runs late. So your systems

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have to be more disciplined and more visible and more

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honest about what is actually even possible. Now here's what works.

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System one, the two anchor windows. Most single parent entrepreneurs

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cannot reliably protect three or four daily windows. They just

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can't do it. You have to be honest with yourself

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about that. But you can almost always protect two. For

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most people, the two highest leverage windows are dinner and

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thirty minutes before bed. Dinner does not have to be elaborate,

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it does not have to be made from scratch. The

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point is not the meal. The point is the table

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sitting across from your child, no devices, eye contact, with

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conversation that is allowed to go anywhere that it needs to.

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The thirty minutes before bed is almost sacred. If you

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have a young kid, that's bedtime, story and lights out.

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And if you have an older kid, that is the

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conversation that happens when their guard is finally fully down,

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the one that happens in the dark, when they finally

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tell you what was actually on their mind today. Two windows. Okay,

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your time daily non negotiable. If you protect those two,

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even on the days when nothing else worked, your kid

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is having an experience of consistent, fully present parenting. Not

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because every hour is protected, because it's not because the

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hours that were promised are kept. Than System two. The

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visible calendar. Okay, this is more for the older kids. Say,

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I don't know eight nine years old enough. You put

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the family time on a calendar that the kid can see,

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maybe a whiteboard in the kitchen or a wall calendar

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in the hallway, something physical, something visible, something the kid

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can look at and see what's coming, maybe like Saturday

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morning hours, Sunday afternoon hours, Tuesday night pizza in a movie.

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The visible calendar, it does a couple of things. First,

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it gives the kid a tangible sense of when they

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have you, and that reduces the underlying anxiety of not

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knowing whether this is a parent around day or a

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parent's always working day. Second, it gives you, the entrepreneur,

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a public commitment that is harder to break than a

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private one. When the calendar is on the wall and

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the kid can see it, you do not move that

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block for a customer. Okay, you just don't do it.

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The kid is going to tell you if you do,

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I promise you. It's that accountability, and that just creates

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visibility for that accountability. It also creates more trust over time,

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because the kid watches the calendar across the year and

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sees that when it said Saturday morning belonged to them,

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Saturday morning actually belonged to them. Then system three, the

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handoff allies. Okay, you may not have a partner in

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the house, you probably have other adult kids in the

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kid's life, maybe a grandparent, a sibling, a trusted friend,

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a neighbor who is also a single parent and has

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been in the trenches. Okay, build the handoff system. Not

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for everyday backup, that's not the point. The point is

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the rare moments where the business genuinely man's a window

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that should have been the kids, and you need a

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trusted adult who can step in for that specific window

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without the kid feeling like you abandon them. The kid

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who is told, hey, Grandma's taking you in to dinner

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because mom has a customer emergency, but i'll be home

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for the bedtime story has a different experience than the

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kid has told hey, sorry, mom has to work. The

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first kid has a covered window, the second kid has

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been left. The handoff ally network is what allows the

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rare emergency to be covered rather than missing that window

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completely and destroying trust. This network, guess what, it doesn't

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build itself. You have to build it. You have to

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be deliberate about building it, and you have to be

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deliberate about building it before you need it. That means

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you have to have the conversation now, not's in the

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moment of crisis with your mom or your sister or

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your friend, and you say, here's what I'm building. Here's

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what the kids need. Can I count on you? Are

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you available? I'm just talking occasionally when something happens or

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something blows up, Can I count on you to step

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in for this evening or for this window. And what

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you're going to find is people want to help. They're

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usually waiting to be asked. The single parent who never asks,

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especially out of pride or independence or not wanting to

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be a burden. That's also the single parent who has

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no covered emergencies. Just do yourself a favor and ask

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system for the repair conversation. For single parents, there are

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days when the business simply did not respect their window. Okay,

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things went sideways, the day got stretched. You know, you

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missed dinner, or you missed bedtime, or you got home

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after the kid was already a sick something like that.

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Now here's what most single parents do wrong. On those days.

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They go to bed feeling guilty. They tell themsel, hey,

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I'm going to make this up to them. They wake

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up the next day and then they try to overperform,

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which the kid does not really respond to because the

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kid does not know whether they're being made up to.

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You see, So here's the better move. The next morning,

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you tell the kid directly sorry I missed last night.

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I was trying to handle something for the business. I'm

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sorry I was not here, And then tell them what

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happened yesterday. I want to hear it now, you see

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what I'm saying. That type of thing, that conversation does

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two things. It acknowledges the myss directly, like I'm owning it. Okay,

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I'm sorry, I'm owning this, which the kid feels and

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responds to because most adults try to gloss over their absences,

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and your direct acknowledgment is different to them. It's rare

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and it's valued to them, and it reopens the conversation

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and that the mist window would have contained, letting the

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kid know that even though the timing was wrong, the

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interest was real. The single parent who can repair like

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this and directly, specifically without being defensive, builds a relationship

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with their kid that can survive the most demanding seasons.

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The single parent who never repairs, who lets the mist

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windows accumulate without acknowledgment, well, they build a relationship where

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the kid quietly stops expecting them to be around, expecting

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their presence. They don't think so, you see, repair for

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a single parent is not optional, It's part of the system. Now,

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one last thing for single parents, specifically, build a small

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life outside of work and parenting. I know the calendar

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feels two full already, but just hear me out. The

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single parent who has nothing in their life except the

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business and the kids, they eventually run on empty and

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the kids can literally feel that difference. The version of

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you that has a friend or maybe a hobby or

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thirty minutes a week of something that is just yours.

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Studies have shown over and over and over and over

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again that that parent is more present, Okay, that that

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parent when they're with their kids, is more fulfilled in

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being more active with their children. Protect a very small

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slice for yourself, not because you deserve it, though you do,

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but your children need you to do that. And that's

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the system. Now let's go to married parent execution. Okay, Now,

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your execution problem here is different. You're not solo. You

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have a part, which means your job is not to

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be everything for the kids. Your job is to function

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as a coordinated unit with your spouse in a way

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that makes sure that kids are getting the version of

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you that they specifically need. I've seen this happen, especially

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in entrepreneurs in marriage, this is usually where it breaks down. Okay,

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now I'm not pointing fingers here because I'm talking about

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my own as well. It is not that the entrepreneur

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is missing from the household. It's that the entrepreneur and

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the spouse are operating as parallel parents instead of as

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a coordinated team, each one doing their own version of

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the parenting layer, neither one talking about it explicitly, you know,

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but both of them quietly accumulating resentment about what the

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other is or isn't doing. And the fix is structural

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and it requires conversation that most couples are just simply

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not having. The first move is the weekly sink okay,

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not a date, not a relationship check, in a logistical

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calendared fifteen minute conversation that happens at the same time

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every week and is specifically about the operational layer of

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the family. Who has the kids and win this week?

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What is on the calendar that requires both of us?

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What is on the calendar that one of us needs

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to lead and the other one needs to be back up?

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Where are the protected windows? This week is going to

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bush hard this week and we need to plan for it.

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Fifteen minutes. The weekly sink does something the entrepreneurial marriage

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almost never has, which is a regular forum where the

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operational reality of the family is discussed proactively instead of reactively.

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Without the weekly sink, the household is run on the

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assumption that everyone knows what is happening, when in fact,

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each parent has a slightly different mental mode, and the

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gap between those models is where that resentment grows. The

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weekly sink closes that gap. It also gives the entrepreneur

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a structured, recurring opportunity to actually pay attention to the

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operational reality of their family, instead of operating in the

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assumption that the spouse is handling everything and will speak

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up if there's a problem. The thing is, most spouses

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don't speak up, They just simply adapt. The weekly sink

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forces the conversation that adaptation prevents. The second move is

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named the division of labor. Parents often think they have

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a division of labor. They usually do not. They have

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a default pattern that has emerged from neither of them

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having said anything about it for years. They name the

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division of labor, and it's explicit who does mornings, who

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does bedtime, who does the handling of the school stuff,

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who handles the doctor's stuff. Who is the lead on

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which kid for which season? Who is the backup for

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what you see? When it's named out loud with both

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of you present on paper, two things happen. First, the

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spouse who has been carrying invisible labor finally is validated

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and has it visible. That alone is healing to that spouse. Second,

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the entrepreneur who has been benefiting from invisible labor without

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realizing it, sees what their spouse has actually been doing. Okay,

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that awareness usually just behavior more than any guilt based

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conversation could. The division of labor is not static. Okay,

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it's a negotiation and you renegotiate it every season. But

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the act of naming it, making it explicit, well, that's

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the move. The third move is the coverage commitment. This

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is where the teen coordination really starts paying off. You

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and your spouse identified together the moments that are the

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most important to each of you and to the kids,

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and you commit to covering them as a team. Now,

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some of those moments are individual. The kid's soccer game,

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where your specific presence matters because you have been the

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one not going to the game or the one going

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to the game. Some of those moments are shared family

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dinner and Sunday morning, you know, the first day of school.

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Some of those moments are an emergency, well, the kid

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is sick, or the school called, or one of you

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has to be there in the next thirty minutes. The

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coverage commitment is the agreement explicit okay, named that the

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team will figure out how to cover those moments together,

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not by defaulting to one parent and putting all the

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pressure on them, but by coordinating together, which means the

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entrepreneur has to actually be on the team, bringing their calendar,

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bringing their honesty about what they can and cannot cover,

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bringing their willingness to be the lead when the lead

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role is theirs. The marriage where one parent makes all

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the Parington decisions while the other parent shows up to

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whatever is convenient. That is not a team. That is

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one owner and one ghost. The team is what we're

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building here now. The fourth move, and this is the

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one that I want to land and for you, the

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hardest it is recognizing what your spouse needs from you

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that has nothing to do with the kids, because I

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see this in entrepreneurialge marriages constantly. The entrepreneur builds the

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business the spouse carries the family. The years go by,

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the business finally succeeds, the kids grow up, and somewhere

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in the middle of all of it, the marriage is

354
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quietly hollowed out because the entrepreneur was so focused on

355
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building for the family that they forgot that their spouse

356
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was a person, not just the operational backbone of the household.

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You see, the truth is your spouse needs attention, not

358
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your gratitude, not your reassurance. Your attention, the same protected

359
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folk presence, attention that you are learning to get give

360
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to your children. You see date nights, and I preach

361
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us all the time. Date nights are not optional. Conversations

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that are not about logistics are not optional. The version

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of you that pays full attention to your spouse the

364
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same way that you pay attention to your kids, the

365
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same way that you pay attention to big clients, it

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is not optional. Because if the marriage gets weak or

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hollows out, the protected windows with the kids start to

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feel hollow too. Okay, children are extremely intelligent. They feel

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the temperature in the marriage. They can feel it. They

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register whether their parents are partners or roommates. Please listen

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and protect your marriage and protect your children both, always both.

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That's the number one goal. So let me give you

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an example of what this looks like when works. Okay,

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a married couple. Let's talk about a married couple that

375
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I know. Okay, runs a service business. She works part

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time and carries you know, most of the family stuff.

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Every Sunday night, after the kids are in bed, they

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sit at the kitchen tables for you know, fifteen twenty

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minutes of the notebook. They go through the week. What's

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on the calendar? Okay, who's taking charge of what? Where?

381
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The business is going to start to push hard that

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week where they need to adjust. Okay. That conversation every Sunday,

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00:27:33.960 --> 00:27:40.400
without exception, is the foundation of how their family runs. Okay,

384
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Wednesday night they have a date two hours. There's no phones,

385
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there's nothing. They got a separate ringer for their kids

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at home. Okay. It's not about logistics, it's not about kids,

387
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it's about them. It's the conversation that married couples need

388
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to have to actually they married. Okay, he shows up

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to one specific kid window every single weekday, maybe bedtime

390
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for the youngest, that's his window. Okay, she doesn't do it.

391
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He does every single night even and most importantly, when

392
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he's exhausted. Now she has her own windows that the

393
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kids kind of do or cross into. Okay, and then

394
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they cover emergencies as a team, text each other in

395
00:28:30.480 --> 00:28:33.599
real time, decide who is closer, who is freer, who

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00:28:33.640 --> 00:28:37.680
needs to be the flex operator that day. You see,

397
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that's not a perfect marriage. They've had hard weeks, they've

398
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had arguments, they've had business pressure that tests every single

399
00:28:45.519 --> 00:28:50.920
system that they have built. But the architecture holds because

400
00:28:50.960 --> 00:28:55.400
they built it deliberately, they named it explicitly, and they

401
00:28:55.440 --> 00:29:02.599
revisit weekly. That is what Mary parent execution actually looks like,

402
00:29:03.039 --> 00:29:07.279
not a feeling, but a specific operating system. The marriage

403
00:29:07.480 --> 00:29:11.400
runs on, do yourself a favor if you love being

404
00:29:11.400 --> 00:29:19.319
married and Bill yours. Let's talk about some hard scenarios. Okay,

405
00:29:20.519 --> 00:29:23.200
let me give you a couple of harder scenarios, because

406
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the framework I have given you works in normal times,

407
00:29:26.880 --> 00:29:29.240
and you also need to know what to do when

408
00:29:29.279 --> 00:29:32.559
normal times are not what you have. You're facing these

409
00:29:32.599 --> 00:29:38.000
other furious and chaotic times. Okay, we'll go scenario one.

410
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The genuine busy season. Now you know this. There are

411
00:29:42.799 --> 00:29:48.200
seasons in every business. The holiday rush the launch window,

412
00:29:48.880 --> 00:29:53.440
the contract that requires sixty day sprint mode. Okay, And

413
00:29:53.519 --> 00:29:57.160
these are where the protections you have built will be tested.

414
00:29:57.680 --> 00:30:01.799
And here's what you do again, name the system and

415
00:30:01.839 --> 00:30:05.359
do it out loud to your kids, to your spouse,

416
00:30:05.400 --> 00:30:09.039
if you have one. For the next six weeks, we

417
00:30:09.119 --> 00:30:11.720
are in a hard season. I need you to know

418
00:30:11.799 --> 00:30:14.599
that it's going to be harder than usual. But here's

419
00:30:14.640 --> 00:30:17.359
what I can still promise, and here's what I cannot.

420
00:30:18.400 --> 00:30:21.279
You see, the naming matters more than you think. A

421
00:30:21.400 --> 00:30:25.839
six week season that is named and bounded feels different

422
00:30:25.880 --> 00:30:29.599
to a kid than the same six weeks of unexplayed absence.

423
00:30:31.079 --> 00:30:34.039
The name season. You see, Dad has efficient finish line.

424
00:30:34.720 --> 00:30:38.640
The unexplained season feels like they're hopeless, like it's going

425
00:30:38.720 --> 00:30:43.799
to be permanent. And you also do not abandon the protections.

426
00:30:44.119 --> 00:30:47.640
You scale them. Maybe you cannot do every dinner, but

427
00:30:47.759 --> 00:30:51.759
you protect three dinners a week, and that those ones

428
00:30:51.759 --> 00:30:57.039
they're non negotiable. Maybe Saturday morning collapses to Saturday breakfast,

429
00:30:57.200 --> 00:31:02.240
but breakfast is real. Maybe bedtime conversations are shorter, but

430
00:31:02.319 --> 00:31:08.119
they still happen. The reduced version of the protections is

431
00:31:08.319 --> 00:31:14.279
still the protections. What is fatal is the move to

432
00:31:14.440 --> 00:31:18.759
zero protections during busy season. Once your kids learn that

433
00:31:18.759 --> 00:31:22.880
the business gets to override the family completely when things

434
00:31:22.880 --> 00:31:27.400
get busy, well, they have learned that the protections are conditional,

435
00:31:27.920 --> 00:31:32.880
which means the protections are not protections, they're nice to have.

436
00:31:36.279 --> 00:31:40.000
Then we move on to scenario two, the actual crisis.

437
00:31:41.160 --> 00:31:46.519
Sometimes businesses have real crisis. Okay, a customer sues, or

438
00:31:46.559 --> 00:31:50.640
a vendor disappears, or the cash flow is really scary.

439
00:31:51.119 --> 00:31:54.960
Maybe it's chaotic, everything is on fire. You see, in

440
00:31:55.000 --> 00:31:58.720
a real crisis, the system bends. What it does not

441
00:31:58.839 --> 00:32:02.960
do is break. You communicate this with your family, with

442
00:32:03.000 --> 00:32:08.680
your kids at their age appropriate level, that you know

443
00:32:08.759 --> 00:32:12.240
what something's really hard is going on right now. You

444
00:32:12.279 --> 00:32:15.079
don't burden them with the details. You just give them

445
00:32:15.119 --> 00:32:19.759
the framework. Something really really hard is happening in that work.

446
00:32:20.119 --> 00:32:22.720
I need you to know. I might be a little

447
00:32:22.759 --> 00:32:25.279
bit more distracted than usual for a few days, Okay,

448
00:32:25.319 --> 00:32:28.160
is that? Okay? I love you and I'm still here.

449
00:32:28.920 --> 00:32:33.559
I'm just getting through this. Then you actually put your

450
00:32:33.599 --> 00:32:36.119
head down and you get through it. And on the

451
00:32:36.200 --> 00:32:38.680
other side of it, you do what we talked about earlier.

452
00:32:39.200 --> 00:32:45.119
You repair see the mistake entrepreneurs making crisis is not

453
00:32:45.359 --> 00:32:52.039
the temporary absence. It's the failure to acknowledge the temporary

454
00:32:52.079 --> 00:32:55.559
absence and the failure to come back fully when the

455
00:32:55.599 --> 00:33:00.799
crisis passes. The kid who watched the parent disappear into

456
00:33:00.839 --> 00:33:04.799
a crisis and then never came back, that kid has

457
00:33:04.880 --> 00:33:07.839
experienced a kind of loss that it's harder to repair

458
00:33:07.920 --> 00:33:15.200
than any single missed dinner. Come back after the crisis fully. Okay,

459
00:33:15.640 --> 00:33:20.920
acknowledge what happened, restate the priorities, show them that the

460
00:33:20.960 --> 00:33:25.119
protections are still real. They were just slowed down and

461
00:33:25.200 --> 00:33:35.200
paused for a real reason. Scenario three, the scaling phase. Now,

462
00:33:35.240 --> 00:33:41.240
this is the trap that catches most successful owners. The

463
00:33:41.279 --> 00:33:45.960
business is working and the growth is real. The opportunity

464
00:33:46.000 --> 00:33:48.839
in front of you is the biggest one you've ever had,

465
00:33:49.559 --> 00:33:52.160
and every voice in your head and probably some of

466
00:33:52.200 --> 00:33:56.160
the voices around you, is telling you push hard and

467
00:33:56.279 --> 00:33:59.920
capture it. I'm not going to tell you not to

468
00:34:00.200 --> 00:34:04.680
capture it. I will tell you that almost every successful

469
00:34:04.839 --> 00:34:08.320
entrepreneur I know wishes they had been told during their

470
00:34:08.360 --> 00:34:13.639
scaling phase that the opportunity will still be there if

471
00:34:13.679 --> 00:34:17.800
you protect the windows. The truth is your kids will not.

472
00:34:20.559 --> 00:34:24.159
Let me say that again. The opportunity will still be

473
00:34:24.280 --> 00:34:27.639
there if you protect the windows, but you only have

474
00:34:27.719 --> 00:34:30.559
a limited amount of time with your kids and in

475
00:34:30.599 --> 00:34:35.400
some people's cases, their marriage. You see the window where

476
00:34:35.440 --> 00:34:38.119
your kid wants to climb on you and read the

477
00:34:38.199 --> 00:34:44.360
same book for the fifth time. That window closes. It

478
00:34:44.400 --> 00:34:48.920
does not extend because the business needs your attention. The

479
00:34:48.960 --> 00:34:52.039
window where your teenager actually wants to talk to you

480
00:34:52.079 --> 00:34:56.239
about something real, That window does not wait for you

481
00:34:56.320 --> 00:35:01.360
to finish the scaling phase. But the scaling phase is

482
00:35:01.440 --> 00:35:04.800
exactly when you need to be the most disciplined about

483
00:35:04.800 --> 00:35:11.320
the protections, not the least, because the opportunity cost math

484
00:35:11.880 --> 00:35:16.239
feels backwards in that moment. It feels like every protected

485
00:35:16.360 --> 00:35:18.880
hour is an hour the business could have used to

486
00:35:19.039 --> 00:35:25.320
capture more growth, and it's simply not. The protected hour

487
00:35:25.559 --> 00:35:28.119
is the hour your kid keeps and you keep, and

488
00:35:28.199 --> 00:35:32.599
the marriage keeps. It is the hour the business cannot,

489
00:35:32.760 --> 00:35:38.239
under any circumstances have And that's the deal. And the

490
00:35:38.400 --> 00:35:43.320
entrepreneurs who hold the line on that time, through the

491
00:35:43.320 --> 00:35:47.400
scaling phase, through the growth phase, through every season where

492
00:35:47.440 --> 00:35:51.679
the business is loud, are the ones who arrive at

493
00:35:51.679 --> 00:35:56.960
the other side of success with their family intact, the

494
00:35:57.000 --> 00:36:00.079
ones who do not arrive at the other side of

495
00:36:00.119 --> 00:36:03.920
success and find themselves alone. I can't tell you how

496
00:36:04.000 --> 00:36:09.360
many entrepreneurs have came to me after catastrophe. They finally made,

497
00:36:10.000 --> 00:36:13.880
you know, a million dollars in revenue. They finally put

498
00:36:13.880 --> 00:36:16.760
a million dollars of profit into the bank. And when

499
00:36:16.800 --> 00:36:20.920
they put it into the bank, they received divorce papers.

500
00:36:22.079 --> 00:36:25.000
Their wife has had enough, their kids are going with

501
00:36:25.039 --> 00:36:29.360
the mom. If you're not winning at life but you're

502
00:36:29.400 --> 00:36:37.199
winning in business, you're still losing. Scenario four, the kid

503
00:36:37.239 --> 00:36:43.039
who has stopped trying. Now, this is one of the hardest,

504
00:36:44.280 --> 00:36:47.320
and you have to name it directly, because too many

505
00:36:47.679 --> 00:36:51.800
entrepreneurs do not see this until it's far, far, far

506
00:36:52.880 --> 00:36:57.519
down the road. Now, there's a moment in the life

507
00:36:57.559 --> 00:37:00.679
of a kid with a distracted parent where the kid

508
00:37:00.840 --> 00:37:06.639
just stops trying. They stop bringing things to you, they

509
00:37:06.679 --> 00:37:10.639
stop telling you about their day, they stop asking you

510
00:37:10.760 --> 00:37:14.760
to come to things or their games or concerts or whatever.

511
00:37:15.960 --> 00:37:18.480
What they do is they've built their own systems, their

512
00:37:18.480 --> 00:37:23.239
own architecture, and they route around you. The first time

513
00:37:23.280 --> 00:37:28.599
it happens, you may not even notice. Well, Johnny's growing

514
00:37:28.679 --> 00:37:32.599
up that's what you think. You just think that they've

515
00:37:32.639 --> 00:37:37.119
become more independent. You're going to quietly be relieved that

516
00:37:37.159 --> 00:37:40.159
they need less from you because he could use the

517
00:37:40.199 --> 00:37:45.639
band with basicly. That's not what's happening. What is happening

518
00:37:45.719 --> 00:37:48.760
is that they have done the math internally on whether

519
00:37:48.880 --> 00:37:53.199
bringing things to you is worth the disappointment of being

520
00:37:53.320 --> 00:37:57.679
half heard again, and they have just simply decided that

521
00:37:57.719 --> 00:38:02.519
it's not worth it. Now, this is reversible, but it

522
00:38:02.599 --> 00:38:07.400
does not reverse on its own. It reverses when the

523
00:38:07.559 --> 00:38:13.079
parent notices what has happened and goes to the kid directly,

524
00:38:13.199 --> 00:38:17.639
not any guilt loaded way, not in a way that

525
00:38:17.719 --> 00:38:20.679
puts the kid in the position of comforting the parent,

526
00:38:21.280 --> 00:38:26.679
just simply directly. You know what, I've not been paying

527
00:38:26.679 --> 00:38:29.960
attention the way that I should have been. I want

528
00:38:30.000 --> 00:38:32.480
to know what's going on with you. I am going

529
00:38:32.559 --> 00:38:35.280
to show you over time that I am the kind

530
00:38:35.320 --> 00:38:38.000
of parent that can bring you, can bring things to

531
00:38:39.679 --> 00:38:41.840
I do not expect you to trust me right away.

532
00:38:41.880 --> 00:38:46.239
I just want to start, and then you start, and

533
00:38:46.639 --> 00:38:51.119
you keep starting, and eventually, because kids are forgiving in

534
00:38:51.199 --> 00:38:57.000
ways that adults ever rarely deserve, they start bringing things

535
00:38:57.039 --> 00:39:01.000
to you again. But you have to be in a

536
00:39:01.079 --> 00:39:05.880
position to notice and see what's happening. If your kid

537
00:39:05.880 --> 00:39:12.920
has gone quiet, that's not probably maturity, it's calibration. And

538
00:39:13.039 --> 00:39:16.079
the only person who can change the calibration is the

539
00:39:16.199 --> 00:39:24.280
parent that caused it. The long Game. I want to

540
00:39:24.360 --> 00:39:29.599
close with the long view because everything in this series,

541
00:39:29.719 --> 00:39:35.920
in both episodes, has been pointing to one specific outcome.

542
00:39:36.880 --> 00:39:40.480
The kid you are raising right now becomes an adult.

543
00:39:41.599 --> 00:39:47.079
That adult carries something forward. What they carry forward is

544
00:39:47.119 --> 00:39:51.920
not a list of incidents. It's not an inventory of ours.

545
00:39:51.960 --> 00:39:59.159
It's a felt orientation, okay, towards themselves, towards relationships, toward

546
00:39:59.239 --> 00:40:03.440
what they are to the people who matter, the kid

547
00:40:03.480 --> 00:40:08.920
who experience consistent, genuinely present parenting, not perfect, it doesn't

548
00:40:08.960 --> 00:40:13.480
need to be not constant, but reliably present when the

549
00:40:13.519 --> 00:40:19.519
important moments came to carry something specific. They carry a

550
00:40:19.679 --> 00:40:26.119
baseline confidence that their experience matters, that the people they

551
00:40:26.320 --> 00:40:31.039
love will actually listen when they speak, that they are

552
00:40:31.440 --> 00:40:37.960
actually worth someone's full attention, that this is the foundation

553
00:40:38.280 --> 00:40:42.679
of every meaningful adult relationship that they will ever have.

554
00:40:44.519 --> 00:40:47.239
But there is something else that they carry, and this

555
00:40:47.360 --> 00:40:51.960
is the part that makes the entrepreneurial life specifically valuable

556
00:40:52.280 --> 00:40:57.239
to children. You see, when it's lived correctly. They've watched

557
00:40:57.440 --> 00:41:03.840
you build something. I've watched you take risks. They watched

558
00:41:03.840 --> 00:41:07.320
you keep going during seasons when most people would have quit.

559
00:41:08.519 --> 00:41:11.440
They've watched you make hard decisions and lose money and

560
00:41:11.519 --> 00:41:14.159
recover and build and win and fail and build again.

561
00:41:16.280 --> 00:41:23.280
They watched you do that while still showing up for them.

562
00:41:23.440 --> 00:41:28.159
You see, that's one of the most powerful inheritance is

563
00:41:28.960 --> 00:41:33.280
that any parent can give a child the visible model

564
00:41:33.400 --> 00:41:36.800
of what it looks like to build something hard and

565
00:41:36.920 --> 00:41:40.039
not lose the people that you love in the process.

566
00:41:41.880 --> 00:41:47.320
The kid who watched that watch the protections hold, watch

567
00:41:47.559 --> 00:41:54.679
the windows of time protected, watched the spouse cherished, watch

568
00:41:54.800 --> 00:42:01.480
the family stay through the hardest things. Those people carry

569
00:42:01.960 --> 00:42:06.719
forward a model of what an integrated life looks like.

570
00:42:08.360 --> 00:42:12.199
They will know that it is possible to be ambitious

571
00:42:12.239 --> 00:42:16.480
and still be present. They will know that it is

572
00:42:16.599 --> 00:42:20.760
possible to build something significant and remain a real parent.

573
00:42:22.960 --> 00:42:26.599
They will know that choosing the people you love is

574
00:42:26.719 --> 00:42:29.559
not the opposite of choosing your work. It is the

575
00:42:29.639 --> 00:42:36.400
only way the work actually means anything. That is what

576
00:42:36.519 --> 00:42:41.480
we're building, not just a business, not just a family,

577
00:42:41.519 --> 00:42:49.320
but both together with intention, with integrity, with purpose. So

578
00:42:49.320 --> 00:42:53.840
I'm gonna leave you with this down the line somewhere

579
00:42:53.840 --> 00:42:57.639
as you started this for them, The hours that you

580
00:42:57.679 --> 00:43:00.840
are putting in, the risk you are take, making the

581
00:43:00.920 --> 00:43:05.960
seasons you go through of difficulty that you're absorbing, all

582
00:43:06.000 --> 00:43:08.719
of it was for the people you're coming home to.

583
00:43:10.519 --> 00:43:16.960
Don't lose them in the building. Designate the windows, remove

584
00:43:17.039 --> 00:43:21.639
the business from them. Tell your kids what you're doing

585
00:43:21.760 --> 00:43:26.480
and why repair things when you fail, Build the system

586
00:43:26.599 --> 00:43:32.480
and hold the line. If you're a single parent, your

587
00:43:32.519 --> 00:43:38.000
protections are non negotiable. There is no backup. Your two

588
00:43:38.039 --> 00:43:43.480
anchor windows, your visible calendar, your handoff allies. You have

589
00:43:43.559 --> 00:43:46.639
to direct repair at the miss nights. You have to

590
00:43:46.639 --> 00:43:50.920
build the architecture and hold it and protect a small

591
00:43:51.119 --> 00:43:54.400
slice for yourself because the kids need the version of

592
00:43:54.440 --> 00:43:59.679
you that's not running on empty. If you're a married parent,

593
00:44:00.079 --> 00:44:06.559
spouse is your team, not your substitute. Run the weekly sink,

594
00:44:07.639 --> 00:44:13.559
name the division of labor, make the coverage commitment. Protect

595
00:44:13.599 --> 00:44:16.960
the marriage with the same intention that you protect your children,

596
00:44:17.679 --> 00:44:23.440
because the kids are watching the marriage too, and for both,

597
00:44:23.840 --> 00:44:27.960
the long game is the same. You are literally raising

598
00:44:28.000 --> 00:44:33.320
adults those adults will carry forward what they experienced as children.

599
00:44:34.679 --> 00:44:39.320
Make sure what they experienced is the version of you

600
00:44:41.280 --> 00:44:46.599
that you chose for them. Don't let the work dictate

601
00:44:46.719 --> 00:44:53.360
the version of you that they learn alongside it. With structure,

602
00:44:53.400 --> 00:44:56.039
with intention, with the same seriousness that you give to

603
00:44:56.079 --> 00:45:01.079
the other operation that pays for everything. You have to

604
00:45:01.119 --> 00:45:05.280
do this because the business that pays for everything costs

605
00:45:05.320 --> 00:45:08.360
nothing compared to what you lose. If the people it

606
00:45:08.440 --> 00:45:12.239
was built for grow up feeling like they came second,

607
00:45:15.239 --> 00:45:18.119
they never have to feel that. So it's up to

608
00:45:18.199 --> 00:45:24.039
you to decide if this two part series helped you.

609
00:45:24.679 --> 00:45:27.280
Share it with the parent entrepreneur in your life who

610
00:45:27.360 --> 00:45:29.880
needs to hear it. The single mom running in the

611
00:45:29.920 --> 00:45:33.719
business with kids upstairs, the married dad who has been

612
00:45:33.800 --> 00:45:38.280
outsourcing the parenting layer for way too long. The parent

613
00:45:38.320 --> 00:45:40.039
who is trying to figure out how to do all

614
00:45:40.119 --> 00:45:45.400
of this without losing the part that matters most. Subscribe

615
00:45:45.440 --> 00:45:50.440
to Optimize Entrepreneur wherever you listen for frameworks, tools, and

616
00:45:50.480 --> 00:45:53.880
the rest of the playbook. Visit optimized one dot com,

617
00:45:53.880 --> 00:45:59.119
That's optimized one dot com or ww dot Jeremy Hanson

618
00:45:59.239 --> 00:46:04.559
dot gro up for our newsletter Built Different I'm Jeremy Hanson.

619
00:46:04.719 --> 00:46:10.639
This is optimized Entrepreneur, where life and business intersect. Build

620
00:46:10.639 --> 00:46:15.000
the business, choose the people. I'll see you next week.

621
00:46:16.039 --> 00:46:18.199
Thank you for listeners.

622
00:46:20.480 --> 00:46:35.920
Sue the Optomist podcast. Sign up so you don't optimized

623
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one dot com Optimized one dot com