June 30, 2026

Build a Business That Funds Your Marriage — Not One That Bankrupts It

Build a Business That Funds Your Marriage — Not One That Bankrupts It
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Every entrepreneur quietly wrestles with the same question: how do you build a company that demands everything from you while building a marriage that deserves your absolute best? In this episode of Optimized Entrepreneur, Jeremy Hanson skips the recycled "schedule a date night" advice and goes straight at the real problem — marriages rarely die from one big event. They starve, slowly, from a lack of intentional investment. Jeremy lays out ten pillars for building a marriage with deep reserves: the emotional profit margin, leading instead of managing your spouse, micro-moments over grand gestures, dreaming together monthly, protecting your home from becoming a corporate office, staying students of each other, building shared experiences, becoming each other's safe place, celebrating ordinary wins, and treating a strong marriage as your single biggest competitive advantage. Along the way he gets honest about the things most operators won't say out loud — why the bedroom is the last place trouble shows up, and why you can never stop being the person they married. It closes with a gut-check: one day someone else will own your company. Who's still sitting across the table from you when that day comes? Brought to you by Proraso. (00:00) Cold Open — The question every entrepreneur asks but never says Premise — Marriages don't explode; they starve Pillar 1 — Build an emotional profit margin Pillar 2 — Stop treating your spouse like an employee Pillar 3 — Create micro-moments instead of waiting for vacations Pillar 4 — Dream together every month Pillar 5 — Protect your home from becoming a corporate office Pillar 6 — Become students of each other again Never Stop Being the Person They Married Sponsor — Proraso Pillar 7 — Build shared experiences at home Pillar 8 — Become each other's safe place Pillar 9 — Celebrate the ordinary wins The Bedroom Doesn't Usually Go Cold First Pillar 10 — Build a marriage that makes the business better Closing Thought — Who's sitting across the table? entrepreneur marriage, work-life balance founders, marriage and business, husband owner, business owner marriage advice, emotional bank account marriage, micro-moments relationships, bids for connection, marriage vision planning, protect home from work, intimacy in marriage, never stop pursuing spouse, marriage as competitive advantage, entrepreneur burnout marriage, Jeremy Hanson, Optimized Entrepreneur, Fuzzy Life Entertainment, Built Different, entrepreneurship podcast, mindset podcast, build a marriage that lasts, success and family, legacy over exit Q: Why do entrepreneurs' marriages fail? A: They rarely fail from one dramatic event. They starve slowly from a lack of intentional investment — missed conversations, carried-home stress, and neglect that no one flags as a crisis until the couple has drifted into living separate emotional lives. Q: What is an emotional profit margin in marriage? A: It's a reserve of goodwill built through appreciation, affection, encouragement, laughter, and reliability. Like cash reserves in business, it lets a couple absorb a hard season and bend instead of break. Q: How do you stay connected without expensive vacations? A: Through micro-moments — enthusiastic greetings, shared coffee, a real six-second kiss, holding hands, sitting together after dinner. Research shows couples who consistently respond to each other's small bids for attention build the strongest relationships. Q: Is a lack of physical intimacy the real problem in a marriage? A: Usually it's a symptom, not the root. The bedroom is typically the last place trouble appears, after working late, missed conversations, and accumulated stress have already created distance. Q: Does a strong marriage help or hurt a business? A: It helps. A healthy marriage improves decision-making, confidence, creativity, stress tolerance, and leadership — increasing an entrepreneur's capacity rather than competing with the business for time. "Marriages don't usually explode — they starve, slowly, from a lack of intentional investment." "If you've only had two good conversations all month, one argument feels like the end of the world." "Your spouse didn't sign up to be your best employee. They signed up to be your partner." "Small moments compound exactly like interest." "The bedroom is usually the last place trouble shows up, not the first." "Never stop being the person they married." "The marriage isn't stealing time from your business — it's increasing your capacity to build it." "One day someone else will own your company. Who's still sitting across the table from you?" "Build a business that funds your marriage, not one that quietly bankrupts it." Optimized Entrepreneur is a mindset and strategy show for builders who refuse to choose between a great business and a great life. Hosted by Jeremy Hanson — a 25-plus-year entrepreneur, syndicated broadcaster, and co-owner of Fuzzy Life Entertainment — each episode turns hard-won experience into practical frameworks for the whole-life operator. Part of the Fuzzy Life Entertainment network. Companion to the Built Different newsletter.

A Fuzzy Life Entertainent Production

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I want to ask you a question that almost every

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entrepreneur thinks about, but very very few people think about

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it out loud. How do you build a company that

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demands everything from you while building a marriage that deserves.

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Your absolute best.

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Now, I just think about that for a second, because

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most days those two things.

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Feel like they're at war with each other.

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Don't you think like you only get to win one

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of them, and you know you've made your peace with

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it about which one's going to lose. You See, the

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business wants your mornings and your nights and your weekends,

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and your worry, your focus, your sleep, the back of

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your mind.

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All of those things.

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Well, they're still with you at your kid's birthday party.

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It's an endless, bottomless appetite. And then you walk through

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through your own front door at the end of the day,

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caring whatever happens to be leftover. Now, let's be honest

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with each other. A tired body, a distracted mind, of

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short fuse in a phone that just keeps buzzing. The

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truth is, we give our business our prime hours, we

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usually give it our best energy, and we hand the

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people that we love what'sever left over, and then we

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sit back and we wonder why things feel weird or

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just thin connection gone, that type of thing at home.

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Marriages very rarely die from one huge, dramatic event. There's

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no single explosion that takes the whole thing down in

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an afternoon. You know, we brace for the asteroid, the affair,

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the blow up, but that's almost never how it actually goes.

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The real threat is so much quieter than that. They

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starve and they do it quietly from a simple lack

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of intentional investment, a little less attention this month, a

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few more missed conversations smiles, a little more stress carried

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at home and dumped on the kitchen table, and then

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one day you look up and the person that you

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built your whole life around feels like a stranger that's

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sleeping three feet away from you. I'm Jeremy Hanson, and

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this is optimized Entrepreneur, and today we're not doing recycled advice.

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Okay, we're not going to do that.

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I'm not going to tell you to schedule a date

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night and put your phone away, because you've heard that

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other places hundreds and hundreds of times and it hasn't

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fixed anything.

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We're going deeper than that. We're going to.

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Talk about how you actually build a marriage that can

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survive the weight of the business that you're building, and

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how you do that and somehow you come out on

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the other side stronger. I've watched too many people win

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in business and lose at home, win the award and

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lose the person, and from an outsider looking in, it

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looked like success the whole time. But let's get into it.

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Well up the riddom they do.

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Your business and your life.

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I'm not want come.

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So we'll start this by saying marriages usually don't explode,

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they simply starve. I'm going to use that as the

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core idea for this whole episode. Your marriage isn't going

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to fail because of one bad fight. It's it's not

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going to fail because of even a hard year. It's

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going to fail because of these little, tiny moments and

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thousands of them that you neglect to think about that

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nobody has identified as a problem until it's almost too late.

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What's weird is we understand this almost instinctively in our

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business because we watch our business, we watch the numbers.

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We do it like hawks.

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If revenue in our business dips five percent, we notice

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that immediately. If a great customer goes quiet for a

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couple of weeks. We feel that in our gut and

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we go figure out why. We inspect and we measure

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and we course correct, and we do that all constantly.

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That's what we do as entrepreneurs. And then the crazy

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part is we go home and let the single most

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important relationship in our entire life. We'll let that run

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uninspected for months. Some people do it for years, no dashboard,

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no metrics, no quarterly review, nothing. And the truth is

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we'd never run our businesses that way. If we ran

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our businesses the way that allow lot of entrepreneurs run

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their marriage, we would consider them a negligent owner.

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And I don't get it. We do it with our

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marriages and then we call it normal.

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We probably assume it's fine because nobody's yelling there's no

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crisis on the calendar this week for that. But you see,

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the absence of a crisis is not the same thing

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as your relationship health, completely different measurements.

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A business can sit there and.

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Be quietly insolvent while the lights are still on and

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the doors are still open. A marriage can be quietly

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dying while everyone at the dinner table is still being

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perfectly polite. You see, polite has never been the goal.

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Connected together, that's the goal. So today we need to

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talk about inspection and a dashboard and the actual things

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to measure and invest in before the warning lights ever

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come on. Like preventative maintenance for the relationship, the truth

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is in your marriage, when the warning light is flashing,

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you've already passed the repair mode. And repairs, just like

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in your business, are a lot more expensive and time

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consuming than just maintenance. We need to talk about ten principles,

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and this is how you build a marriage that has

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deep reserves because you're gonna need them, the marriage that

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kind of bends when things get hard instead of snapping.

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So bill are one. You have to build an emotional

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profit margin. Build an emotional profit margin. Every good entrepreneur

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understands cash. You keep money in an account because emergencies

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aren't it maybe happen, it's it's a simply it's a win.

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It happens, truck breaks down, pressure washer breaks down, client

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pays late, the market hiccups a little bit. The businesses

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that survived those moments, those are the ones that had

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margins sitting there somewhere and ready to use. And I

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believe your marriage works exactly the same way. I'm talking

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about the kind words you say, the appreciation that you show,

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the affection that you give, every time that you laugh together,

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every time that you actually followed through on something that

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you said that you would do. That's a small deposit.

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So you're building an emotional reserve. That's what we have

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to do. And the truth is every bit of stress,

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every snappy reply you give, every forgotten promise, every cold shoulder,

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all of those are when you're withdrawing that investment. Now,

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if your business bank account only has two hundred bucks

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in it and one unexpected bill creates a full blown crisis,

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that's a problem. But if you've got reserves, the same

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bill is just well, that's a Tuesday. That's all we

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do here. You just handle it and you move on.

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And marriage is identical to that. If you've only managed

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to have a couple real conversations, you know, a couple

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I'm talking about connected conversations in a month, and then

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in really bad argument comes around, it kind of feels

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like it's the end of the world, doesn't it.

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You carry that with you to work, you carry that

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with you.

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When you come back home, and it's the problem comes

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in that you don't have enough reserves to absorb.

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That type of thing. It's just like business.

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The whole relationship is running on fumes, but the marriage

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that's sitting on those deep reserves that they've been depositing

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over and over and over again. They can handle and

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weather a hard fight. They can beat the brutal stretch.

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They can have a bad month, they can have a

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scary diagnosis, and they bend instead of break. It's the

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same lives, it's the same storm. It's just two completely

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different outcomes. And the only variable they had was they

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banked ahead of time. And there's a little bit of discipline.

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And also, you.

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Make these decisions and deposits when the times are good.

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You do it when there isn't any fire to put out,

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when you're not fighting, when you don't even have a

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reason to do it. Now, if you're an entrepreneur and

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you've had this problem before in your business, you've learned

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that you can't build that reserve in the middle of

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chaos or an emergency.

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You see, it's.

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Put there for those times in the chaos and in

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the emergency, that's when you spend it. So you have

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to make those deposits every single day, quietly before you

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ever need them. I'm telling you, at some point in

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your life, in your marriage, you are going to need

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every bit of it. I think the pillar two is

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we have to stop treating our spouse like an employee.

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And every entrepreneur is guilty of this. At some point,

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they've been guilty of this, and it kind of sucks.

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It kind of makes you feel stupid and kind of

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an ahole. To be honest with you, I've been guilty

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of this myself. I just get into that work mode

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and I become that person, and I've treated my wife

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like a spouse.

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Here's the thing.

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We spent all day managing this and delegating this and

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following up with that, and we sitting there and we're

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checking boxes, we're solving problems, and we get so good

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at being in operational mode that we just forget to

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turn it off when we get home. Okay, we walk

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in the door and then we start doing the exact

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same thing. We're just managing our marriage. Did you call

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the school? Why didn't you get this handled? What is

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the plan for Saturday? All logistics, all tasks, all management

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coming from you? And now here's the thing, Every single

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one of those questions that I just said, it's completely

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fair to ask. They're okay on their own, But if

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that becomes the entire conversation, because you're optimized for efficiency

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while you're chasing the wrong efficiency, what you've done is

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you've turned your husband or your wife into a direct report.

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I want you to think about this. If you're the

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manager and you ask, well did you why didn't you?

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What are those questions? Where do they come from? Well,

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they come from the status of leadership now in your

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marriage real connection. What it does is it asks you.

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Something completely different.

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How are you actually within engine behind what you say?

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You know, it's been a long time. Do you still

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have this same dream? What are you dreaming about lately?

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You know, Hey, what's going on? What's on your back

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that you haven't said to me? You see your spouse,

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husband or wife, It doesn't matter. They never signed up

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to be your best employee. They signed up to be

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your partner. And there's such a world of difference with that.

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So you need to catch yourself when you're in manager mode,

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and I mean physically notice it's almost like flipping a switch,

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and then you have to consciously shift gears. I don't

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care what it is. Whatever the task is, it can

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wait ten minutes. Because the person that you love needs

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your curiosity a whole lot more than they need your questions.

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I promise to that.

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See what you need to do, Especially for the guys

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out there, I would say this, you need to lead

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the relationship. You need to quit managing your marriage.

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You need to lead it.

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And then Pillar three create micro moments instead of waiting

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for vacations.

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Now most of us tell ourselves.

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A few things, but a little why, Well, things are

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crazy right now. But once we take our vacation, once

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things get a little slower at work, well, then there's

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going to be like this reconnection festival just between us,

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and the vacation is six months away. And the reconnection

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that time, that festival that you're going to between the

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two of you, well, it slowly just keeps getting kicked

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down the road like a can.

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Now.

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Research on long term relationships, it shows that couples who

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stay strong aren't the ones taking the most extravagant vacations.

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They're simply the ones who consistently respond positively and in

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a warm way to each other's small everyday attention needs

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the little moments are doing all the heavy lifting. It's

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not the grand gestures, it's not the big things that

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we think are going to fix things. It's greeting each

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other with that enthusiasm that you used to have, that

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genuine enthusiasm when you first met, when you walk in.

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How many of you are guilty of this? You walk

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in and you're like, oh, it's great to be home.

230
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Have you ever felt that? Like the I'm tired grunt,

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it's getting up and sharing moments before the day starts

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swallowing both of you. Maybe it's a cup of coffee.

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Maybe it's just sitting at the dinner table for a

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few minutes with zero agenda. You're not managing anything yet.

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Maybe it's laughing at something dumb. It's maybe you know what,

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You're sitting on the couch, you're watching a movie and

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you grab her hand or vice versa. I do that sometimes,

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and I do it so my daughters can see me

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doing it, If that makes sense. I want them to

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know that there's a real connection beyond work, because I'm

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not work. The first thing I am is a husband,

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The second thing I am is a father, The third

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thing I am is a friend, and the fourth thing

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I am is.

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A business owner.

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It's doing the little things like that that really matter

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in the relationship. It's a six second kiss before you

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walk out the door in the morning and say hey,

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I love you. It's not the okay, I'm doing this

250
00:18:18.240 --> 00:18:22.240
out of habit pack. And the weird part about this

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whole thing, none of this costs money. None of it

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00:18:24.680 --> 00:18:27.319
takes an hour, none of it requires that you find

253
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a babysitter or go buy a plane ticket. But those

254
00:18:31.799 --> 00:18:37.160
little small moments they compound, and they compound with interest

255
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in that account.

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Now one of them on its own, well it's nothing.

257
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But when you start doing those things and start stacking

258
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them day after day after day, and you have that

259
00:18:52.799 --> 00:18:58.119
really strong foundation when you hit the hard times, the

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00:18:58.160 --> 00:19:02.599
hard times can't just simply oc you down. You know,

261
00:19:02.839 --> 00:19:07.559
the couples that feel super connected aren't the ones that

262
00:19:07.599 --> 00:19:12.160
take the best vacations. They're the ones who learned how

263
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to nail the ordinary Tuesday. And then we go to

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Pillar four dream together every single month, think about how

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00:19:27.559 --> 00:19:31.680
seriously we take the planning in our business, the super

266
00:19:31.720 --> 00:19:37.640
strategic planning. We will block the time, we will completely

267
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map the quarter, We set goals, and we review our

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numbers and we look down the road. Nobody that's a

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serious entrepreneur would ever run a serious company with zero

270
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plans and then just hope that somehow. It's like you're

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floating in a boat and you're going to drift to

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some fantasy island.

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You're going somewhere good.

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But a lot of people run their marriage like that.

275
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There's no vision, there's no planning, there's nothing, there's no

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shared picture in both your heads where this is all heading.

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It's just drift. So what do we do about that?

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Well, once a month, just sit down with your spouse,

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00:20:22.720 --> 00:20:28.119
quick time whatever. Maybe it's a walk, Maybe it's that

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00:20:28.240 --> 00:20:30.039
ten minutes after you put the kids to bed that

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00:20:30.079 --> 00:20:33.319
you actually get to talk. Where do you want to

282
00:20:33.319 --> 00:20:36.880
be in five years? Have we forgotten where we wanted

283
00:20:36.920 --> 00:20:38.680
to be in five years because we're this many years

284
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in now? Is there anything bothering you? What literally scares you?

285
00:20:44.480 --> 00:20:49.880
I want to know what makes you excited? Now?

286
00:20:51.920 --> 00:20:54.359
What would you like to do together this month? Do

287
00:20:54.359 --> 00:20:57.079
you think we should do anything continually? Like every month?

288
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This is our ritual? And then you really need to

289
00:21:00.920 --> 00:21:06.880
ask where have I been getting things wrong? If you're

290
00:21:06.880 --> 00:21:11.119
building a business with your spouse, at least the way

291
00:21:11.160 --> 00:21:14.920
that Maya and I have for years. You have to

292
00:21:14.920 --> 00:21:18.720
do this. This isn't none. You cannot not do this.

293
00:21:22.480 --> 00:21:27.400
There's things that catch couples like us. It's so easy

294
00:21:27.440 --> 00:21:31.799
to pour every ounce of your planning energy and executing

295
00:21:31.920 --> 00:21:37.160
energy into the company's vision, and slowly you accidentally let

296
00:21:37.200 --> 00:21:40.920
your marriage become nothing more than the support staff for

297
00:21:41.119 --> 00:21:46.400
the business. You see, the marriage, this is the crazy part.

298
00:21:47.200 --> 00:21:50.039
A lot of people start their businesses and it has

299
00:21:50.079 --> 00:21:52.000
a lot to do with the person they're with or

300
00:21:52.039 --> 00:21:57.279
their kids. And what happens is their marriage starts existing

301
00:21:57.880 --> 00:22:03.640
to serve the company, and that is completely backwards. You see,

302
00:22:03.680 --> 00:22:08.000
your marriage needs you separated from your business, and your

303
00:22:08.000 --> 00:22:10.119
marriage has to have a vision of its own.

304
00:22:12.440 --> 00:22:13.480
It has to have a.

305
00:22:13.559 --> 00:22:19.000
Future that you're building toward together that has nothing to

306
00:22:19.119 --> 00:22:24.160
do with revenue. It can't use the company's vision statement.

307
00:22:24.400 --> 00:22:29.960
It has to be its own. Now saying all that,

308
00:22:29.960 --> 00:22:32.880
we're going to jump into pillar five, which is protect

309
00:22:33.200 --> 00:22:39.759
your home from becoming a corporate office. This does it

310
00:22:39.839 --> 00:22:43.079
sneaks up on you in ways that you just wouldn't

311
00:22:43.119 --> 00:22:49.480
understand unless you've been there. If you start owning the thing,

312
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the business doesn't just clock out.

313
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The business is with you everywhere.

314
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It comes home, It sits at the table with you

315
00:22:58.920 --> 00:23:03.359
for supper, It crawls into bed with you at eleven

316
00:23:03.440 --> 00:23:09.480
twelve at night. You're still doing the things, running numbers,

317
00:23:09.480 --> 00:23:12.079
thinking about the problem tomorrow, how to stage, just how

318
00:23:12.079 --> 00:23:14.160
to set this up, who to put on, what job,

319
00:23:16.680 --> 00:23:18.839
and what happens is because you're doing that, and you're

320
00:23:18.880 --> 00:23:21.599
being a good steward, at least you think of your business.

321
00:23:21.960 --> 00:23:26.759
You are not a good steward of your marriage.

322
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Pretty soon the business, and I want you to be

323
00:23:31.799 --> 00:23:36.519
honest with yourself about this. The business occupies every single

324
00:23:36.720 --> 00:23:42.839
room in your house, and your head and your spouse.

325
00:23:42.920 --> 00:23:45.559
They just simply feel like they don't even live in

326
00:23:45.559 --> 00:23:51.880
a home anymore. They live inside your office. They feel

327
00:23:51.960 --> 00:23:55.039
like a coworker who just happens to share the same

328
00:23:55.039 --> 00:23:58.279
bed as you. So what you have to do is

329
00:23:58.279 --> 00:24:02.799
you have to build some rhythms that keep the business

330
00:24:02.839 --> 00:24:08.279
away a room or a time, and in that space

331
00:24:08.400 --> 00:24:12.440
or in that time, work is not discussed, and you

332
00:24:12.519 --> 00:24:15.079
have to work on the part about keeping it out

333
00:24:15.119 --> 00:24:21.319
of your mind. When it comes to supper at my house,

334
00:24:21.680 --> 00:24:24.839
that's it. We don't talk about business. There's no phones,

335
00:24:24.920 --> 00:24:28.920
there's no iPads, there's no nothing that is our time

336
00:24:28.960 --> 00:24:33.640
to talk. There's no problems about business. We're going to

337
00:24:33.680 --> 00:24:35.680
talk about at the table, and I'll listen to the

338
00:24:35.720 --> 00:24:40.640
problems that my daughters have, my sons have at school at.

339
00:24:40.519 --> 00:24:43.000
The table, because that's life stuff.

340
00:24:45.319 --> 00:24:49.960
And I make sure that our evenings include real conversations

341
00:24:50.079 --> 00:24:56.839
about something else, something, anything other than the business. So

342
00:24:56.920 --> 00:25:02.240
your spouse should never feel like the only they're getting from.

343
00:25:02.000 --> 00:25:03.880
You is the owner of the business.

344
00:25:05.319 --> 00:25:09.200
You know, the stressed guy, the distracted one, the half

345
00:25:09.359 --> 00:25:16.119
present dude, that's the CEO who's always somewhere else. It's

346
00:25:16.160 --> 00:25:19.039
so important to remember that your goals may not be

347
00:25:19.119 --> 00:25:21.720
their goals. And they didn't marry your business.

348
00:25:22.240 --> 00:25:25.480
They married you. They married the.

349
00:25:25.400 --> 00:25:28.640
One that has hobbies and that jokes around, and that

350
00:25:28.720 --> 00:25:33.839
has dreams that have nothing to do with your company.

351
00:25:34.640 --> 00:25:37.160
And you need to make sure that there's still a

352
00:25:37.319 --> 00:25:40.559
place in your home and window in your day.

353
00:25:41.319 --> 00:25:48.839
Where that person actually lives. So Bill are six.

354
00:25:49.000 --> 00:25:52.400
I don't think we can understate this one because it's

355
00:25:52.440 --> 00:25:57.920
so massive. Become students of each other and do it again.

356
00:25:59.799 --> 00:26:03.240
Lot of couples actually know less about each other after

357
00:26:03.400 --> 00:26:06.759
twenty years of marriage than they did when they were dating.

358
00:26:07.960 --> 00:26:09.880
I don't want to say how is that even possible?

359
00:26:11.799 --> 00:26:15.799
Because back when you were dating, you were endlessly curious.

360
00:26:17.720 --> 00:26:21.359
You ask them questions and then let them talk constantly.

361
00:26:22.720 --> 00:26:31.000
You literally wanted to know everything. And then somehow you

362
00:26:31.119 --> 00:26:34.680
decided that you already learned what you needed to learn about.

363
00:26:35.400 --> 00:26:40.480
You just kind of closed the book. But humans are

364
00:26:40.519 --> 00:26:46.000
not static. They move and they evolve. The person that

365
00:26:46.039 --> 00:26:49.319
you married five, ten, twenty years ago is not the

366
00:26:49.400 --> 00:26:54.640
same person standing in front of you in your kitchen today.

367
00:26:55.799 --> 00:26:58.880
They have things that they weren't fearful of before that

368
00:26:58.960 --> 00:27:03.400
they are now. They have new interests and new dreams,

369
00:27:03.480 --> 00:27:09.240
and they've probably grown spiritually and emotionally. They've probably changed

370
00:27:09.279 --> 00:27:13.680
their mind about some things. The things they want out

371
00:27:13.720 --> 00:27:18.559
of life have Their goals have probably shifted. So you

372
00:27:18.799 --> 00:27:23.200
need to become a student again. You need to be

373
00:27:23.359 --> 00:27:27.839
genuinely curious about who your spouse is right now, not

374
00:27:28.000 --> 00:27:32.960
who they were when you married them, not at the wedding. Hey,

375
00:27:33.559 --> 00:27:34.559
you need to talk to them.

376
00:27:35.240 --> 00:27:40.680
What are you scared of right now? What are you into?

377
00:27:41.079 --> 00:27:42.000
What are your.

378
00:27:41.920 --> 00:27:45.839
Interests right now? What are you having problems with? Is

379
00:27:45.880 --> 00:27:50.480
there anything. Are you wrestling with anything? Maybe it's something

380
00:27:50.519 --> 00:27:52.960
that they've never even said that they've always wanted to try,

381
00:27:53.039 --> 00:27:57.400
and they just never have. You see marriage, and it's

382
00:27:57.400 --> 00:28:00.759
so cool because marriage is a living thing. It isn't

383
00:28:00.759 --> 00:28:04.359
supposed to be a subject that I've mastered her now

384
00:28:05.680 --> 00:28:07.720
and then you take her like a trophy and set

385
00:28:07.720 --> 00:28:08.400
her on a shelf.

386
00:28:08.440 --> 00:28:11.440
It's not supposed to be that way because.

387
00:28:11.119 --> 00:28:18.480
It evolves continuously, just like you evolve every single year.

388
00:28:18.680 --> 00:28:22.319
They evolve, So you have to know are you the

389
00:28:22.400 --> 00:28:24.440
person that notices it or you not?

390
00:28:26.759 --> 00:28:28.599
So you got to keep studying.

391
00:28:28.880 --> 00:28:33.000
You have to stay curious about this life or this husband,

392
00:28:33.039 --> 00:28:37.240
this spouse of yours like their brand new because of

393
00:28:37.359 --> 00:28:40.440
a lot of ways they are. And the day you

394
00:28:40.559 --> 00:28:44.039
decide that you've got your spouse completely figured out is

395
00:28:44.599 --> 00:28:49.160
the exact day that you don't know them anymore. And

396
00:28:49.240 --> 00:28:54.599
that gap that not knowing, that's where that distance creeps in.

397
00:28:58.720 --> 00:29:02.839
You got to never stop being the person that they married.

398
00:29:03.720 --> 00:29:05.839
I'm not saying. Remember we just went over a while.

399
00:29:05.880 --> 00:29:11.519
You evolve, and we all do. It's about investment.

400
00:29:15.519 --> 00:29:20.039
That there's something underneath all of this that is about

401
00:29:20.039 --> 00:29:24.839
how you invest yourself and if that piece is sitting

402
00:29:24.839 --> 00:29:28.640
there not doing anything, or it's rotting even worse, none

403
00:29:28.680 --> 00:29:30.720
of the rest is going to hold in your relationship.

404
00:29:32.720 --> 00:29:35.759
You got to never stop being the person they married.

405
00:29:37.400 --> 00:29:39.960
I see people do this all the time. After the wedding.

406
00:29:40.960 --> 00:29:46.640
They believe that somehow the pursuit is over, that chasing

407
00:29:46.759 --> 00:29:51.240
them was just the audition, and now you got the part,

408
00:29:51.319 --> 00:29:56.920
so you can stop performing. So dating ends, effort slows down,

409
00:29:57.799 --> 00:30:03.240
compliments start getting really rare, Flirting with your spouse almost disappears.

410
00:30:05.279 --> 00:30:07.400
And then it kind of shows in the physical too.

411
00:30:09.720 --> 00:30:12.480
You remember when you wanted to look perfect on your dates.

412
00:30:13.640 --> 00:30:16.039
You wanted to be the best version of you that

413
00:30:16.119 --> 00:30:21.440
you could be. Well, then personal grooming it slips a

414
00:30:21.480 --> 00:30:25.880
little bit. Your workout stop. Why will you quit, Chason?

415
00:30:25.960 --> 00:30:28.599
I don't need to have abs anymore or whatever it is.

416
00:30:30.279 --> 00:30:33.359
You know, we start wearing what's comfortable instead of taking

417
00:30:33.480 --> 00:30:37.480
pride in how we show up, and we tell ourselves

418
00:30:37.519 --> 00:30:40.480
subconsciously that our spouses as well, they'll.

419
00:30:40.279 --> 00:30:44.440
Just accept it. We're married now, we're locked in.

420
00:30:47.559 --> 00:30:49.599
But when you get to that point, I want you

421
00:30:49.640 --> 00:30:51.440
to think about what you're actually saying.

422
00:30:55.240 --> 00:30:56.359
Before you were.

423
00:30:56.200 --> 00:31:00.519
Married, you work so hard to be that person that

424
00:31:00.720 --> 00:31:04.839
they couldn't wait to be around. So why on earth

425
00:31:04.880 --> 00:31:08.039
would you stop becoming that person the moment they said,

426
00:31:08.039 --> 00:31:08.440
well I do.

427
00:31:09.000 --> 00:31:10.160
Isn't that backwards?

428
00:31:11.519 --> 00:31:16.799
You earned that person by being your best, and then

429
00:31:17.119 --> 00:31:21.359
somehow you decided that being your best was just something optional.

430
00:31:23.720 --> 00:31:26.519
So do your best to take care of yourself and

431
00:31:26.559 --> 00:31:29.720
stay healthy, and you know what, dress with some intention.

432
00:31:30.880 --> 00:31:35.279
Make sure that you always practice good hygiene. You got

433
00:31:35.319 --> 00:31:38.680
to keep learning and stay interesting, and you have to

434
00:31:38.759 --> 00:31:42.039
keep a sense of humor, and you need to flirt

435
00:31:42.640 --> 00:31:48.200
with your spouse. You need to be affectionate. Now here's

436
00:31:48.200 --> 00:31:51.000
the thing. You're not trying to impress the world. The

437
00:31:51.039 --> 00:31:55.440
world doesn't even matter. You do it because the person

438
00:31:55.720 --> 00:32:01.680
who shares your life deserves your best. That person doesn't

439
00:32:01.720 --> 00:32:08.359
deserve your leftovers that come after the business. They don't

440
00:32:08.400 --> 00:32:11.079
deserve the things that the business has taken, because the

441
00:32:11.119 --> 00:32:16.440
business always takes the good stuff. Marriage isn't the place

442
00:32:16.519 --> 00:32:21.480
where you stop learning and growing. It should be the

443
00:32:21.519 --> 00:32:24.839
place that gives you the biggest reason in the world

444
00:32:25.119 --> 00:32:27.400
to keep getting better and keep growing.

445
00:32:29.920 --> 00:32:33.519
The goal was never to turn into somebody new. The

446
00:32:33.680 --> 00:32:36.759
goal is to be a better and.

447
00:32:36.799 --> 00:32:40.559
Sharper version of the person that they fell in love

448
00:32:40.599 --> 00:32:46.720
with in the first place. And truly, honestly, a real

449
00:32:46.799 --> 00:32:49.359
piece of that is just the daily ritual of taking

450
00:32:49.400 --> 00:32:55.039
care of yourself, the small and deliberate, almost old fashioned

451
00:32:55.119 --> 00:32:59.799
act of getting put together, taking a few minutes for

452
00:32:59.799 --> 00:33:04.680
yourself in the morning, so that person walks out into

453
00:33:04.680 --> 00:33:08.920
the world and then that person walks back through your

454
00:33:08.920 --> 00:33:13.480
own front door. It should be a version of you

455
00:33:13.519 --> 00:33:16.599
that you're proud of. And I know this sounds small,

456
00:33:16.680 --> 00:33:21.359
and it literally isn't you See, how you treat yourself

457
00:33:21.559 --> 00:33:24.880
is a message that you send to the people around you,

458
00:33:25.000 --> 00:33:32.680
and especially your spouse, every single day. So I want

459
00:33:32.720 --> 00:33:35.799
to talk to you today, and I think this is

460
00:33:35.839 --> 00:33:39.200
the perfect place to tell you about the one thing

461
00:33:39.519 --> 00:33:44.519
that I let sponsor this show because it fits today's

462
00:33:44.559 --> 00:33:48.559
episode like a glove. Okay, I just spent ten minutes

463
00:33:48.559 --> 00:33:51.160
telling you to never stop being the person that your

464
00:33:51.160 --> 00:33:54.720
spouse married to take pride in how you show up.

465
00:33:54.960 --> 00:33:58.440
And for me, a real piece of that is my shave.

466
00:34:00.640 --> 00:34:04.559
It sounds really simple, but the few minutes that I

467
00:34:04.599 --> 00:34:06.799
spend in front of my mirror, in front of my

468
00:34:06.920 --> 00:34:11.159
sink in the morning, that's just how I get my

469
00:34:11.280 --> 00:34:16.079
day going, and it starts with Piazzo. Now, if you've

470
00:34:16.079 --> 00:34:19.639
never used it, Piazzo is an Italian company that's been

471
00:34:19.679 --> 00:34:24.920
doing this since nineteen forty eight, and you can really

472
00:34:24.960 --> 00:34:28.800
feel the history in that it's something that's created the

473
00:34:28.920 --> 00:34:33.039
ritual in my life. It's not just a quick scrape.

474
00:34:33.239 --> 00:34:36.320
It's a four piece system that walks you through everything.

475
00:34:36.960 --> 00:34:40.039
The pre shaved cream that softens everything up and it

476
00:34:40.159 --> 00:34:45.880
literally prepares my skin. The shave soap that gives you

477
00:34:46.000 --> 00:34:51.639
that super rich cushion super glide, and that after shave

478
00:34:51.719 --> 00:34:55.280
that closes the whole thing out okay, and then my lotion.

479
00:34:56.440 --> 00:35:01.519
I use the redline Sandalwood and shave out for most times,

480
00:35:01.599 --> 00:35:05.880
I also have the Green, which is the mental But

481
00:35:05.920 --> 00:35:08.079
what I like about the red is it's super nourishing

482
00:35:08.119 --> 00:35:11.960
and it smells incredible. It leaves my face feeling like

483
00:35:12.159 --> 00:35:15.960
I actually did something good for me instead of just

484
00:35:16.199 --> 00:35:20.119
attacking it with a dull raiser. And that's the whole

485
00:35:20.159 --> 00:35:25.159
point of today, isn't it. It's small, it's deliberate, It's

486
00:35:25.199 --> 00:35:29.079
an act of taking care of myself, showing up, put

487
00:35:29.119 --> 00:35:35.199
together for them and for me. Five minutes that says, hey,

488
00:35:35.239 --> 00:35:39.960
you know what I'm worth the effort. Treat yourself to

489
00:35:40.039 --> 00:35:43.559
the best shave of your life. Head to Parazzo dot

490
00:35:43.599 --> 00:35:48.599
com at Paraso dot com and find the ritual that

491
00:35:48.679 --> 00:35:52.719
works for you. Your face and the person looking back at

492
00:35:52.760 --> 00:35:55.880
you from across the room, it's gonna say thank you.

493
00:35:59.400 --> 00:36:02.639
So let's get into this. I really do like Parozzo.

494
00:36:02.679 --> 00:36:03.280
I use it.

495
00:36:03.360 --> 00:36:05.559
I never thought that I would say that about something

496
00:36:05.599 --> 00:36:06.679
as simple as shaving.

497
00:36:07.000 --> 00:36:10.719
But it's the little things. So bill er seven.

498
00:36:11.960 --> 00:36:15.079
Build shared experiences at home.

499
00:36:17.440 --> 00:36:17.760
Okay.

500
00:36:17.800 --> 00:36:21.159
Now, the good news is most of these experiences don't

501
00:36:21.159 --> 00:36:22.159
have to cost you a dime.

502
00:36:23.800 --> 00:36:25.679
Somehow, as entrepreneurs, we.

503
00:36:25.639 --> 00:36:28.920
Get this idea in our heads that somehow this connection

504
00:36:29.119 --> 00:36:32.519
requires a huge budget and a fancy dinner and an

505
00:36:32.519 --> 00:36:36.920
expensive trip and a weekend away and whatever. Okay, those

506
00:36:36.920 --> 00:36:41.400
are great when you can do them, but most bonding

507
00:36:41.480 --> 00:36:46.599
experiences are usually the simple ones, at least the ones

508
00:36:46.599 --> 00:36:50.679
that you can build at home. Cook something cool, something

509
00:36:50.719 --> 00:36:53.239
complicated together and then laugh.

510
00:36:53.039 --> 00:36:53.960
Through the chaos of it.

511
00:36:55.480 --> 00:36:58.480
Keep pull up videos and try to learn ballroom dancing

512
00:36:58.599 --> 00:37:02.960
or make yourself vulnerable in your living room, and the

513
00:37:02.960 --> 00:37:04.519
truth that you're going to be terrible at it. But

514
00:37:04.559 --> 00:37:10.440
that's the point. Build something with your hands. You can

515
00:37:10.440 --> 00:37:12.880
get as quirky as reading the same book out loud

516
00:37:12.960 --> 00:37:16.440
to each other. You could watch a movie, watch a

517
00:37:16.559 --> 00:37:19.239
documentary and actually argue about it afterwards.

518
00:37:19.239 --> 00:37:19.760
That's great.

519
00:37:20.679 --> 00:37:23.280
Plant the garden, do a puzzle, play a game of cards,

520
00:37:23.280 --> 00:37:25.920
and I've done that a million times.

521
00:37:27.559 --> 00:37:27.880
You See.

522
00:37:27.880 --> 00:37:32.119
The truth is the activity was never the point of it.

523
00:37:33.400 --> 00:37:36.159
Nobody actually remembers the puzzle that you put together or

524
00:37:36.199 --> 00:37:42.440
the card game. Now you remember the laughing. But what

525
00:37:42.480 --> 00:37:47.719
you're doing is you're manufacturing moments, and those manufactured moments

526
00:37:48.239 --> 00:37:52.880
become shared memory. See, you're building a private history, a

527
00:37:52.960 --> 00:37:57.280
whole internal world that belongs only to the two of

528
00:37:57.320 --> 00:38:02.679
you and nobody else on the earth. With the inside jokes,

529
00:38:03.840 --> 00:38:09.000
those traditions that you've started for no reason, those remember

530
00:38:09.039 --> 00:38:13.519
when we tried, Remember that, Those stories that you're still

531
00:38:13.559 --> 00:38:15.440
telling yourself years later.

532
00:38:17.119 --> 00:38:19.199
You see, that's the he said, that's the glue.

533
00:38:19.960 --> 00:38:24.559
That's the difference between a marriage that feels like a living, breathing,

534
00:38:25.239 --> 00:38:30.239
beautiful home and then one that feels like two efficient

535
00:38:30.320 --> 00:38:34.239
people just co managing a household together and occasionally look

536
00:38:34.239 --> 00:38:38.000
at a calendar. Listen to me when I say this

537
00:38:38.119 --> 00:38:42.719
build the memories. Now you're writing the story that you'll

538
00:38:42.760 --> 00:38:47.400
want to reread later. I've talked to a lot of

539
00:38:47.440 --> 00:38:51.239
successful people that are in their twilight years, and they

540
00:38:51.280 --> 00:38:53.920
all tell me the only thing that they care about

541
00:38:53.960 --> 00:38:56.199
in their life. I'm talking about, you know, people that

542
00:38:56.239 --> 00:38:58.239
have one hundred million dollars in the bank.

543
00:38:58.320 --> 00:39:02.000
And they could care less. The things of real.

544
00:39:01.880 --> 00:39:05.480
Value to them are the memories that they have from

545
00:39:05.480 --> 00:39:11.639
when they were writing their story. And then Pillar eight,

546
00:39:13.079 --> 00:39:19.480
you need to become each other's safe place. We spend

547
00:39:19.480 --> 00:39:24.880
the entire day solving problems and fixing things, being the

548
00:39:24.960 --> 00:39:30.440
person with the answer, because that's our job. So when

549
00:39:30.440 --> 00:39:34.199
our spouse comes to us with something big, you know,

550
00:39:34.280 --> 00:39:39.280
our instinct takes over our entrepreneur in us and it

551
00:39:39.320 --> 00:39:42.800
goes straight into fix it mode. I'm going to fix

552
00:39:42.880 --> 00:39:47.079
this no matter what, and we start managing and solving

553
00:39:47.119 --> 00:39:54.880
them like there's some sort of line item. And then somehow,

554
00:39:54.960 --> 00:39:57.079
when we're sitting there on our bed or we're at

555
00:39:57.079 --> 00:40:02.199
our table or whatever, and you're fixing it, somehow, you

556
00:40:02.239 --> 00:40:10.119
are doing a performance review on them. But sometimes your

557
00:40:10.159 --> 00:40:15.840
spouse doesn't need the solution. You know, your spouse sometimes

558
00:40:15.880 --> 00:40:21.079
doesn't need your three point action plan. They just need

559
00:40:21.119 --> 00:40:23.719
you to be there and they need you to listen.

560
00:40:25.239 --> 00:40:27.159
I remember my dad telling me a long time ago.

561
00:40:27.199 --> 00:40:31.639
He said, son, sometimes your wife doesn't need you to

562
00:40:31.679 --> 00:40:34.559
fix things for They just need you to shut up

563
00:40:34.559 --> 00:40:37.320
and listen. And man, that was great advice. I didn't

564
00:40:37.360 --> 00:40:42.159
understand at the time, but I do now. Sometimes you

565
00:40:42.280 --> 00:40:46.360
just got to be there. Sometimes you have to let

566
00:40:46.519 --> 00:40:50.840
them feel what they're feeling without trying to optimize it away.

567
00:40:51.159 --> 00:40:53.440
And even though every fiber.

568
00:40:53.119 --> 00:40:58.039
In your body is screaming to do so, sometimes you

569
00:40:58.119 --> 00:41:03.360
just need to ask the simple question. And then sometimes

570
00:41:03.400 --> 00:41:05.519
you just need to be quiet and let them answer.

571
00:41:06.800 --> 00:41:13.119
What happened, what happened today? How are you feeling? Is

572
00:41:13.119 --> 00:41:15.679
there anything I can do? Do you need anything from me?

573
00:41:17.199 --> 00:41:20.719
And I'm gonna say this for the guys, this is

574
00:41:20.760 --> 00:41:23.679
probably the hardest thing for guys that solve problems for

575
00:41:23.760 --> 00:41:30.880
a living. Sometimes you need to sit in it with them.

576
00:41:31.119 --> 00:41:33.639
You don't fix it, you don't reframe it, you don't

577
00:41:33.639 --> 00:41:37.079
hand them a strategy. You just sit there with them

578
00:41:37.119 --> 00:41:46.320
and you stay because you probably never guess. But the

579
00:41:46.440 --> 00:41:49.480
answer in this situation a lot of times isn't advice.

580
00:41:51.159 --> 00:41:54.639
The answer that doesn't even you know, usually live in

581
00:41:54.679 --> 00:41:55.360
a guy.

582
00:41:55.360 --> 00:41:57.440
Entrepreneur's world is presence.

583
00:42:00.199 --> 00:42:03.679
My wife knows that I'm the safest place in the

584
00:42:03.840 --> 00:42:08.079
entire world where she can fall apart and I'm not

585
00:42:08.119 --> 00:42:12.079
going to judge her for it, where she doesn't have

586
00:42:12.159 --> 00:42:17.320
to perform or produce or have it together. I'm the

587
00:42:17.360 --> 00:42:20.239
one person in the world in her life at least

588
00:42:20.480 --> 00:42:25.960
that doesn't want something from them. Be that person, Be

589
00:42:26.400 --> 00:42:32.920
that guy. And then we move to billar nine. Celebrate

590
00:42:34.280 --> 00:42:40.239
the ordinary wins. Okay, celebrate the ordinary wins. In business,

591
00:42:40.440 --> 00:42:44.880
we know how to celebrate. We close a contract, oh

592
00:42:44.960 --> 00:42:50.639
ring a bell, pop champagne, take out the team. We

593
00:42:51.199 --> 00:42:55.880
mark the milestones in our business. But it's kind of

594
00:42:55.880 --> 00:42:58.760
weird because in our marriages we kind of let the

595
00:42:58.800 --> 00:43:05.960
wins go by, come completely unmarked, completely uncelebrated. We just

596
00:43:06.199 --> 00:43:10.480
quietly move on to the next thing. And there are

597
00:43:10.639 --> 00:43:15.679
so many things worth celebrating if you just slow down

598
00:43:15.760 --> 00:43:18.800
enough to see them. You know, maybe it's paying off

599
00:43:18.880 --> 00:43:24.719
a death debt that's been hanging around for years. Maybe

600
00:43:24.719 --> 00:43:29.320
it's getting through a really really brutal time in your

601
00:43:29.320 --> 00:43:32.960
marriage and you're still standing there at the end of it.

602
00:43:34.320 --> 00:43:37.320
Maybe it's a good report from the doctor, or it's

603
00:43:37.639 --> 00:43:41.880
a kid that's graduating. Maybe it's you hit a milestone

604
00:43:41.880 --> 00:43:46.000
together in your business. Maybe it's a side thing that

605
00:43:46.039 --> 00:43:49.920
you're doing. Maybe it's a personal victory for one of you.

606
00:43:51.880 --> 00:43:57.800
You see, these little things aren't small things. We've been

607
00:43:57.920 --> 00:44:02.920
trained to only ring the for the seven figure stuff figuratively,

608
00:44:04.079 --> 00:44:07.440
and so the whole thing of an ordinary good life

609
00:44:07.559 --> 00:44:15.239
just slides by completely uncelebrated, unmarked. So you have to

610
00:44:15.320 --> 00:44:21.239
deliberately start taking those moments out loud together and do

611
00:44:21.280 --> 00:44:24.480
a little celebration. Maybe it's just a really nice dinner

612
00:44:24.519 --> 00:44:27.119
at home. Maybe it's a toast. Maybe it's a super

613
00:44:27.159 --> 00:44:29.280
long kiss as you're gazing into their eyes and you

614
00:44:29.320 --> 00:44:31.960
grab them and you're literally thankful.

615
00:44:34.360 --> 00:44:36.800
This matters so much more than it sounds.

616
00:44:36.840 --> 00:44:43.920
You see, celebration builds gratitude, and gratitude is the single

617
00:44:44.079 --> 00:44:48.679
most powerful weapon you have against the thing that kills

618
00:44:48.920 --> 00:44:52.159
more marriages than I can even talk about.

619
00:44:52.199 --> 00:44:55.159
And that's resentment. You see.

620
00:44:55.239 --> 00:45:01.760
Resentment is the slow leak. Resentment is a that pushes

621
00:45:01.840 --> 00:45:08.159
up the silence. It's the thing that sacrifices any acknowledgment.

622
00:45:10.960 --> 00:45:19.960
It's the thing that pushes you apart. I want you

623
00:45:20.000 --> 00:45:22.679
to think about something like this. Have you ever met

624
00:45:22.719 --> 00:45:26.440
the couple that pauses to look at each other and say,

625
00:45:26.480 --> 00:45:29.320
look at this, Look what we've did, Look how far

626
00:45:29.559 --> 00:45:35.960
we've come. Is that a couple that's actively draining resentment out?

627
00:45:37.679 --> 00:45:38.000
Okay?

628
00:45:38.239 --> 00:45:41.119
Is that a couple that is letting it pull up

629
00:45:41.159 --> 00:45:43.039
and rot the foundation.

630
00:45:42.679 --> 00:45:44.079
Of their marriage.

631
00:45:44.800 --> 00:45:51.880
The truth is, the people that use gratitude can't occupy

632
00:45:52.639 --> 00:45:56.440
the people that feel resentment because they can't live in

633
00:45:56.519 --> 00:46:03.079
the same room. Now, this is a little weird for

634
00:46:03.119 --> 00:46:04.760
this show, but it's so important.

635
00:46:06.840 --> 00:46:07.519
I want to talk.

636
00:46:07.400 --> 00:46:11.719
About the bedroom, okay, because usually the bedroom doesn't go

637
00:46:11.920 --> 00:46:15.920
cold first. It's a little bit uncomfortable to talk about,

638
00:46:15.960 --> 00:46:21.599
but it matters way too much to skip. A marriage

639
00:46:22.320 --> 00:46:26.800
that has lost its physical intimacy has to get some attention.

640
00:46:28.800 --> 00:46:32.239
For a lot of couples, a long stretch without intimacy

641
00:46:32.840 --> 00:46:38.280
isn't actually the root of any problem. It's a symptom

642
00:46:38.400 --> 00:46:41.079
of that problem. It's a warning, like like we were

643
00:46:41.079 --> 00:46:44.559
talking about before on the dashboard, telling you something has

644
00:46:44.679 --> 00:46:50.480
been neglected for a long long time. Now, the bedroom

645
00:46:50.519 --> 00:46:53.440
is usually the last place that trouble shows up, not

646
00:46:53.559 --> 00:46:57.519
the first, and by the time it reaches there, that

647
00:46:57.719 --> 00:47:02.599
disconnection has already been let cancer through the rest of

648
00:47:02.599 --> 00:47:07.800
the marriage. You see, for a long time, it's the smoke,

649
00:47:07.960 --> 00:47:12.599
not the fire, and if you only try to fix

650
00:47:12.679 --> 00:47:19.119
the smoke, you'll never touch what's actually burning. It starts

651
00:47:19.199 --> 00:47:24.039
with working late. Then it's missing the conversations you had.

652
00:47:25.159 --> 00:47:27.519
Then it starts being the weight and the stress that

653
00:47:27.559 --> 00:47:32.960
you carry home night after night. And it's weird because

654
00:47:33.079 --> 00:47:38.719
you're not deciding this, but it just happens that you

655
00:47:38.840 --> 00:47:43.440
become roommates instead of being husband and wife. Yeah you're

656
00:47:43.480 --> 00:47:47.679
polite and coordinated, and yeah you're both have interest in

657
00:47:47.760 --> 00:47:54.800
running the same household, but you are completely disconnected. You see,

658
00:47:54.840 --> 00:47:58.960
physical intimacy was never just about sex. It's one of

659
00:47:58.960 --> 00:48:01.920
the primary ways is that two people say without words,

660
00:48:02.280 --> 00:48:06.519
I still choose to be with you, I still have

661
00:48:06.719 --> 00:48:10.800
desire for you, I still want to be close with you.

662
00:48:13.000 --> 00:48:13.480
And when that.

663
00:48:15.119 --> 00:48:19.519
Idea and that feeling goes quiet for months or years,

664
00:48:22.079 --> 00:48:24.280
that thing is saying, you.

665
00:48:24.239 --> 00:48:29.039
Know, well, I don't know if you're the person.

666
00:48:31.199 --> 00:48:33.480
I don't know. You don't have that comfort, you don't

667
00:48:33.480 --> 00:48:39.840
have that closeness. So if you are to that point,

668
00:48:39.920 --> 00:48:42.599
I'm going to ask you to do the hard thing.

669
00:48:45.079 --> 00:48:49.960
You need to have that uncomfortable conversation. Ask your spouse

670
00:48:50.360 --> 00:48:55.920
what changed, and then shut up and listen.

671
00:48:55.679 --> 00:48:56.440
To the answer.

672
00:48:56.719 --> 00:49:00.440
And don't get defensive, don't argue, don't just to fight,

673
00:49:01.199 --> 00:49:07.760
just listen. You remember how obsessive all of us are

674
00:49:07.840 --> 00:49:12.679
about our businesses. We catch a five percent dip in

675
00:49:12.800 --> 00:49:15.360
profit and we notice it, and we notice it immediately.

676
00:49:18.280 --> 00:49:20.360
It was with our whole business, could be the customer,

677
00:49:20.679 --> 00:49:25.280
it could be your P and R. But yet people

678
00:49:25.320 --> 00:49:29.119
will go years without noticing their marriage has been flashing

679
00:49:29.239 --> 00:49:34.800
warning signs on your marriage dash the whole time. Inspect

680
00:49:34.840 --> 00:49:37.800
your marriage with the same intensity that you bring to

681
00:49:37.840 --> 00:49:41.000
a P and L and fight for it, and fight

682
00:49:41.079 --> 00:49:45.679
for it early, catch it while it's a small leak

683
00:49:45.719 --> 00:49:49.519
and not a flood, before you find yourselves living two

684
00:49:49.519 --> 00:49:56.519
completely separate emotional lives under the same roof. Because I

685
00:49:56.519 --> 00:49:59.159
think that's the saddest version of failure that I know,

686
00:50:00.920 --> 00:50:03.800
because it's the one that nobody sees coming. It's the

687
00:50:03.800 --> 00:50:09.159
blind side. There isn't a big blow up, just a slow,

688
00:50:09.719 --> 00:50:17.079
quiet drift into becoming strangers. Don't wait until you become

689
00:50:17.159 --> 00:50:20.239
strangers to do something about it. The best time to

690
00:50:20.360 --> 00:50:26.760
fight for your marriage is anytime and long before you

691
00:50:26.840 --> 00:50:34.559
think that it needs fighting for. And Pillar ten, build

692
00:50:34.639 --> 00:50:38.599
a marriage that makes the business better. Well, this is

693
00:50:38.639 --> 00:50:42.599
the last pillar, the one that reframes this entire conversation.

694
00:50:44.199 --> 00:50:49.840
Build a marriage that makes the business better. There's a

695
00:50:49.840 --> 00:50:54.760
lot of people, driven people that get this exactly wrong.

696
00:50:55.199 --> 00:50:59.360
They treat their marriage and their businesses like their almost rivals,

697
00:50:59.440 --> 00:51:04.519
like two things fighting over the same hours, and every

698
00:51:04.599 --> 00:51:08.840
minute given to one is stolen from another. And what

699
00:51:08.920 --> 00:51:13.360
happens that you create a zero sum game. Now, the

700
00:51:13.360 --> 00:51:17.079
star entrepreneurs, the best entrepreneurs that I've ever met, the

701
00:51:17.079 --> 00:51:24.920
ones that are still standing, are also still married. They

702
00:51:25.639 --> 00:51:30.119
still feel whole and look hold decades after being.

703
00:51:29.920 --> 00:51:30.559
In this game.

704
00:51:33.119 --> 00:51:36.599
And what they've done is they've taken that feeling about

705
00:51:36.599 --> 00:51:38.199
being opposites and they flipped it.

706
00:51:39.199 --> 00:51:40.840
You see. They see a.

707
00:51:40.800 --> 00:51:44.559
Healthy marriage not as a cost that needs to be managed,

708
00:51:44.960 --> 00:51:47.440
but they look at their marriage as the single biggest

709
00:51:47.440 --> 00:51:49.199
competitive advantage there is.

710
00:51:50.159 --> 00:51:52.000
It's the unfair edge that.

711
00:51:51.920 --> 00:51:58.039
Nobody talks about in business podcasts anywhere. If you think

712
00:51:58.079 --> 00:52:02.559
about it, what does a strong marriage do for you? Well,

713
00:52:02.920 --> 00:52:07.920
it sharpens your decision making, Okay, because you've got a

714
00:52:08.159 --> 00:52:13.519
true partner to think out loud with you. It also

715
00:52:14.519 --> 00:52:18.559
brings a steady confidence to yourself, because here's the thing.

716
00:52:18.840 --> 00:52:23.000
If somebody believes in you when the numbers don't, it

717
00:52:23.039 --> 00:52:25.000
feels pretty good. You feel like you have a back goal.

718
00:52:26.880 --> 00:52:31.320
It fuels your creativity. It massively expands your tolerance for

719
00:52:31.440 --> 00:52:35.599
stress and your appetite for smart, calculated risk.

720
00:52:37.119 --> 00:52:39.119
The truth is you're not facing the storm alone at

721
00:52:39.119 --> 00:52:39.880
that time, right.

722
00:52:41.679 --> 00:52:46.280
It makes you a better leader, because well, you're a

723
00:52:46.320 --> 00:52:52.159
whole human being. So please listen to this. The marriage

724
00:52:52.360 --> 00:52:59.760
isn't stealing time from your business. A strong, healthy marriage

725
00:52:59.840 --> 00:53:04.840
is actively increasing your capacity to build the business in

726
00:53:04.880 --> 00:53:08.440
the first place. It is a force multiplier on every

727
00:53:08.760 --> 00:53:13.400
single thing that you do. The home and the company

728
00:53:13.440 --> 00:53:16.840
were never competitors fighting over the same piece of pie.

729
00:53:18.559 --> 00:53:20.559
And when you learn this and you get this right,

730
00:53:20.639 --> 00:53:26.159
the home is the foundation. It is the bedrock that

731
00:53:26.280 --> 00:53:33.599
the whole entire company is standing on. And a business,

732
00:53:33.639 --> 00:53:38.159
just like a building, is only ever as tall as

733
00:53:38.960 --> 00:53:44.039
its foundation is deep. If you neglect the foundation to

734
00:53:44.119 --> 00:53:47.599
add another floor, well you don't get a taller building,

735
00:53:47.639 --> 00:53:52.760
you get a collapse. Invest in your marriage, invest in

736
00:53:52.800 --> 00:53:58.679
your home, and while you raise the ceiling and lower

737
00:53:58.719 --> 00:54:04.519
the cost on everything else your life. So I think

738
00:54:04.559 --> 00:54:07.480
I want to leave you with this, and I really

739
00:54:07.599 --> 00:54:08.960
want you to pay attention.

740
00:54:11.159 --> 00:54:12.119
One day.

741
00:54:13.360 --> 00:54:15.840
You're going to close your laptop for the last time.

742
00:54:17.519 --> 00:54:22.159
One day you're going to sign your last contract. One

743
00:54:22.239 --> 00:54:26.800
day somebody else is going to run your company. Somebody

744
00:54:26.800 --> 00:54:29.440
else is going to run the routes that you've been

745
00:54:29.679 --> 00:54:33.280
running and serve the customers that you've been serving, and

746
00:54:33.280 --> 00:54:37.159
they're going to sit in your chair. That day is

747
00:54:37.280 --> 00:54:40.800
coming for all of us. You see, the business does

748
00:54:40.840 --> 00:54:45.920
not keep you. And when that final day comes, when

749
00:54:45.960 --> 00:54:49.159
the business and the building has been handed off and

750
00:54:49.239 --> 00:54:49.840
the deal.

751
00:54:49.719 --> 00:54:53.199
Is closed, and all of that excitement.

752
00:54:54.800 --> 00:55:01.960
Is gone, and you finally live inside of right now,

753
00:55:05.639 --> 00:55:08.079
whose face is going to be in the chair at home?

754
00:55:10.679 --> 00:55:13.320
Who's going to be sitting at the kitchen table with you?

755
00:55:16.440 --> 00:55:17.760
Are you going to be able to look at that

756
00:55:17.960 --> 00:55:25.159
person in the eye? And that question, that real question,

757
00:55:25.320 --> 00:55:29.880
that's the one that should be driving every decision that

758
00:55:29.920 --> 00:55:34.400
you have from now until then. It's not how big

759
00:55:34.440 --> 00:55:38.119
can I build it? But who's going to be there?

760
00:55:38.679 --> 00:55:44.519
Who's going to be there when I'm done building this business? Now,

761
00:55:44.559 --> 00:55:48.760
the building doesn't come to the hospital. The building doesn't

762
00:55:48.760 --> 00:55:53.519
hold your hand. At the end, people do, the ones

763
00:55:53.760 --> 00:55:57.880
you invested in or the ones you didn't. So build

764
00:55:58.000 --> 00:56:02.280
a business that funds your merriage, not the business that

765
00:56:02.480 --> 00:56:06.920
bankrupts it while the bank account grows. There is a

766
00:56:06.960 --> 00:56:10.400
difference between a man who's rich and a man who's wealthy,

767
00:56:11.519 --> 00:56:14.760
and the wealthy one still has the people and the time.

768
00:56:16.679 --> 00:56:23.280
Because success, real success, the kind that still standing when

769
00:56:23.320 --> 00:56:26.960
you get to where you're going. Well, that success was

770
00:56:27.000 --> 00:56:30.360
never measured by the size of your company. It was

771
00:56:31.000 --> 00:56:35.760
never the number on the exit, or the logo on

772
00:56:35.800 --> 00:56:41.280
your building, or the square footage of the house. It's

773
00:56:41.280 --> 00:56:45.960
simply measured by something much much harder and much more honest.

774
00:56:47.559 --> 00:56:50.719
It's measured by whether the person who believed in you

775
00:56:51.400 --> 00:56:54.559
back at the very beginning, when you had nothing but

776
00:56:54.599 --> 00:57:00.480
a dream and a whole lot of nerve, still genuinely

777
00:57:00.880 --> 00:57:02.519
enjoys walking beside you.

778
00:57:02.599 --> 00:57:03.079
At the end.

779
00:57:04.719 --> 00:57:16.000
Build that, protect that, optimize relentlessly for that, because nobody

780
00:57:16.000 --> 00:57:19.440
puts that on a spreadsheet, nobody ever has that on

781
00:57:19.480 --> 00:57:22.840
a dashboard, and that's the only one that matters at

782
00:57:22.880 --> 00:57:27.360
the end. I'm Jeremy Hanson. This has been optimized entrepreneur,

783
00:57:27.599 --> 00:57:32.679
Go build something worth coming home to, and then go

784
00:57:32.760 --> 00:57:34.440
home to it. I'll see you next week.

785
00:57:38.880 --> 00:57:51.599
Thank you for the listeners to the Optimizer podcast. Sign off,

786
00:57:51.719 --> 00:57:53.119
so you don't

787
00:57:57.639 --> 00:58:18.679
Optimiz one dot com optimized one dot com